The Perfect Family
by esther247
Summary: Side story from The Legacy. Dick and Zatanna know better than most that the perfect family does not exist but that doesn't mean they won't perfect the art of trying. As time passes, children grow, and problems arise they learn that being superhero's might've been one of the easier jobs.
1. Chapter 1

He turned the key in the doorknob slowly, quietly. The living room lamp was lit and the room was decorated in frilly pink streamers and balloons.

 _Thwack thwack thwack_.

He groaned and took in a quick breath before walking towards the sound. The lights in the gym were dimmed but only ever so slightly and there she was, standing in the center of the floor with throwing knives in either hand.

She wore nothing but lingerie but he knew better than to think it implied anything suggestive, she always wore lingerie. He often joked that sexiness was her second skin but he didn't think she'd find it funny or cute now.

She didn't bother to look in his direction though he knew that she knew he was there. She somersaulted into the air and did a few handless cartwheels while throwing the knives with perfect precision.

 _Thwack thwack thwack._

Each knife hit the bullseye as if it they had a magnetic pull to the center. She was panting heavily, beads of sweat matted the hair alongside her face and down her neck, her long wavy black hair sat in a messy bun atop her head. Dick leaned against the wall and waited as she went to grab the knives from the target board. As she turned to take her starting position again she kept her eyes to the ground. Dick let out a frustrated sigh then.

"You can't ignore me forever Zee," he prompted.

She shrugged, "I can try," she said in a soft belligerent tone.

Dick walked over to where she stood, she grabbed six small knives and placed them between her fingers before spinning on the balls of her feet and throwing them into every ring on the target board except one.

"Missed one." Dick said.

Zatanna spun to glare at him with cold blue eyes. "And you missed your daughter's ballet recital again Dick, _**again**_." She all but growled.

"I know," he started.

"Do you know Dick? You sure? Because this was a pretty big deal and-"

Dick threw his hands over his head as he interrupted her, "I know Zatanna, I know!" he exclaimed.

"Then where were you Dick?! Where were you?!" she shouted as she shoved him.

Dick glared at her, his eyes stormy and lips pressed as if trying to stop himself from saying something. Zatanna noticed and wasn't having it. She shoved him again but he still didn't react, she shoved him a third time and he grabbed her wrists.

"Zee!" he shouted in a cry of agony and anger, trying to pull her out of her retrieve.

She struggled against his hold, "No! Where were you Dick? Where's daddy? Where's daddy? Do you know how many times I had to field that question today from the _**both**_ of them?!" she screamed pulling and slapping at his chest.

"Dammit Zatanna, I said I'm sorry!" he said not dodging any of her blows.

"He's coming baby, he's coming. Daddy's coming." She said her voice breaking. "That's what I told them Dick, I told them you were coming and they believed me. They were so excited for you to be there, they… they believed in me."

"I'm sorry." He said sincerity burning in voice.

She looked at him again through teary eyes. "'I'm sorry baby, he tried to make it you know he tried. Daddy tried, of course daddy tried because he loves you. More than anything, more than anything.' That's what I told them. That's what I _**always**_ tell them Dick." She sobbed into his chest.

Dick pulled her into his arms and let her cry there. "Zatanna…I'm so sorry." He said again.

They were quiet for a long moment but the air was still charged with pent up anger. She pulled away from him and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Whatever Dick, I'm not the one you should apologize to." She reminded him in a mumbled voice.

Dick didn't move, "Did they really wait for me?" he asked in a detached voice. Zatanna looked at him and for the first time that night really saw him. He was in tatters, his hair disheveled and his eyes naked.

She knew, she knew better than anyone that Dick lived for John and Wyette, they were his whole world but it didn't take away from the fact that before anything he was a hero first and no matter how much she loved him, no matter how much he loved them and no matter how many times she told herself this, it broke her heart every single day.

Her gaze fell to the floor and she nodded. "Yeah," she choked, "We all waited." She started to walk past him towards the gym shower and stopped when she at his side. "How was she?" she asked hesitantly.

Dick's eyes flashed up to look at her, the woman he loved, the mother of his children, the pinnacle of his world.

 _Of course she knew, there could only be one reason why he missed their daughter's third recital, why he'd leave work early and head to Gotham before telling her._

She looked naked, not because she wore her lingerie or in the fun way, but stripped of all her barriers. He could see her clearly now like it was the first time, he could see her strength, her fragility, her exhaustion, her heartbreak, and her love for him and others.

"Barbara?" he asked almost dumbfounded that despite her anger and disappointment in him, she could care.

Zatanna sniffled and laughed a soft laugh. "No Dick, your _**other**_ lover." She joked tiredly, "Of course Barbara, how is she? What'd the Doctor say?" she asked seriously.

Dick sighed, "He said…he said she might never walk again." He whispered. It was quiet but deafening, the words sat in the air like a thick fog.

She wrapped her arms around him in the same moment, "I'm sorry." She said. "Really, I know how much you two mean to each other."

She dropped her arms and started walking away, Dick grabbed her hand and she looked back at him taken aback by the action, "Yeah, but do you know how much you mean to me?" he asked seriously.

Her eyes still had tears in them but she gave him a small smile anyway. "Sometimes." She said earnestly before pecking him on the cheek and walking into the shower.

Dick breathed a sigh of relief and walked out of the gym and up the stairs.

He knew Zatanna had every right to be angry with him. She hated being the bad guy, but he knew it was more than that. She hated letting them down, even when it wasn't her she feared being a bad parent but Dick knew more than anyone Zatanna was probably the most doting mother a kid could have. She did everything and was everywhere at once, even with magic it was impressive.

After she gave birth to the twins she retired from super hero work but still couldn't find it in her to say no to hero related favors and for a while took a she took a leave from the stage work. The twins were a full time job and then some, after Raven confirmed they were the reincarnates of Yin and Yang, she really went to work literally going to hell and back to find out more. To make sure they would have normal lives and be safe, but she did it within a time span that allowed her to be prompt to pick up Wyette from ballet and John from the after school science program.

To top it off, when she found out Barbara had been paralyzed by the Joker, she started working on mastering the healing arts. Then she started refocusing on the martial arts and various other parts of the mystical arts. Just so she wouldn't get 'rusty' she'd told him, Wally (who she helped save from the speed force a while back ago but that's another story) joked it was because she had nothing to do, correction that there was nothing doing her (thanks to Dick's long hours) and that she needed hobbies to pass the time.

She made wonderwoman look like a joke…and Dick knew wonderwoman personally.

He walked over to the twins' room and cracked the door open slowly.

 _Thud_.

"Ow." John wailed quietly. The little boy scrambled up from the makeshift bed he'd made behind the door.

"Daddy?"

Dick smirked, "Hey big guy, what are you doing in here? Shouldn't you be in your bed?" he asked.

John rubbed his eyes with his tiny fists and yawned, "I can't, I'm keeping lookout." He explained.

Dick looked at the black haired blue eyed boy who stood in front of him. Some days he couldn't believe it was the same boy who stuck to him like glue the second he learned to walk.

"What are you looking out for bud?" he asked hesitantly.

"You." He answered bluntly. Dick had to keep himself from physically wincing.

"Me?"

John nodded solemnly and moved his hand onto the doorknob. "Wye's really mad at you." He explained, his eyes drooped from fatigue but he fought against them.

"Really mad?" Dick asked.

John nodded, "Mmm-hmm. Wyette said you can't come in here anymore and I have to keep a look out because that's what brothers do. I looked out for you all day after the recital, but you never came home and we fell asleep."

Dick looked at the seven-year-old and could see the fatigue and sadness plain on his face. He could tell he probably waited for as long as his little body would let him. "You're a great look out buddy and an even better brother." He said tussling his already bedraggled hair. John gave him a toothy smile.

"You can go back to sleep; I'll try again tomorrow." He promised.

John nodded, "Night daddy." He yawned.

Dick closed the softly and headed back down the hall, when he heard a soft creak.

"Daddy?" John called out into the hallway softly.

Dick turned around, "Yeah John?" he responded.

John walked out of the room and shifted his weight uncomfortably, "I'm not mad at you anymore," he said. Dick smiled, John was never one to be in a foul mood for long. "And I don't think Wye is mad either, I just think she's sad." He hung his head, his hair falling over his eyes.

Dick walked back over to the door and knelt down to John's height. "Hey," he said picking up his chin, "it's okay. We're gonna fix it." he promised.

John shook his head, his storm blue eyes full of tears. "I think Mommy's sad too, but she's hiding it."

Dick swallowed hard, "I just saw mommy, she didn't look so sad." He lied.

"I can feel it," he whispered, his voice whimpering, "I can feel it right in here, like it's me but it's not. It's mommy and Wyette…and you. You're all sad." He said clutching the shirt over his chest.

Dick pulled him into a hug, "I'm sorry John, I'm so sorry. I tried." He said, his own eyes filling with unshed tears.

"I know daddy, I know." John whimpered.


	2. Chapter 2

There was nothing quite like the feeling of waking up alone in the morning after an argument. The bed always felt bigger than usual, almost space like and cold too but it most of all it felt suffocating. Dick got up and threw a t-shirt over his head before walking out of the room and into the hall.

The twins' room was directly across the hall from their own room, he stood in the hall and looked at the closed door. John's blankets were sticking out from underneath the door, so he'd never left his post and other than the fact that John was guarding Wyette from him, it was possibly one of the sweetest things he'd ever seen.

Dick walked across the hall to the other door that led into their room and wondered hesitantly if he should go in. Originally, the twins' room had been two separate rooms but designing two separate nurseries and having to go to two separate rooms to soothe babies that often cried at the same time was a headache to think about let alone execute. So they (Dick; Zatanna supervised because she couldn't use her magic while pregnant) knocked out the wall between the rooms and made it one large bedroom for the two of them. It was still hands down one of these best parenting ideas they'd ever had. Dick opened the second door as softly as he could only to be met with a thud.

His heart jumped when he thought for a second that he might've hit one of them with the door again. He looked down and saw the light gray dresser in front of the door.

"What the f-"

"Daddy?" John yawned.

His words stopped cold, "John?" Dick said, "What are you doing way over here? I thought you were keeping lookout." he said as he tried miserably to peek through the cracked door into the room.

John yawned again and stretched from his post behind the dresser. "I am." He whispered. Dick looked at the other door to the room and noticed that John had tucked his blankets underneath the door. He looked back at the little boy before him, mystified.

"Then what -" he started.

"You went through that door yesterday, so I knew you would come through this door this time daddy. But just in case I left my thick blanket over there so you couldn't get in." John explained still trying to shake off his fatigue.

Dick hung his head against the door, "That was a really good idea buddy." He confessed.

John smiled and Dick smiled back at him. "You're gonna fix it though." He said yawning again. "Later? When it's time to wake up?" he asked.

Dick nodded, "Of course, that's what heroes do." He said repeating the mantra he often told them.

John didn't say anything for a while, then Dick heard the wood creaking under the pressure of his small weight. John climbed on top of the dresser to look Dick in the face, his own child like face was full of undisguised concern.

"But what do you do when you're not the hero, daddy? What do you do when you're the bad guy?" he asked morbidly, his blue eyes searching his father's face.

Dick froze, taken off guard by the question. He opened his mouth to answer at first but his throat felt dry and he had to try again.

"I don't know," Dick said honestly, "Is that what I am now?"

John looked his father in his eyes and Dick his, he could see it, the calculations John was running in his dry. The thoughts and emotions running around in his little head were plain as day in his eyes and then he blinked and shook his head.

"No." he whispered.

Dick nodded, "Okay, go back to sleep buddy, it's still early."

John nodded and got off the dresser as Dick closed the door and headed down the stairs and into the kitchen. Zatanna was sitting on a stool drinking tea and typing away at an email. Dick walked over and pulled up a stool next to her. She snapped her fingers and a mug of coffee appeared on the counter top before him.

"Magically brewed coffee? I only get that when you're in a good mood and I know that can't be it." Dick muttered.

Zatanna turned to face him and gave him an unimpressed look, "Good guess."

Dick shrugged taking a seat, "What can I say? I am a detective."

Zatanna smirked reluctantly, "Well I'm no detective but I figured you might need something good this morning." She countered.

"Thanks," he said grabbing the mug and drinking the coffee. Zatanna watched him drink his coffee like she was watching cells multiply under the microscope; engrossed and Dick resisted the urge to smile into the mug but failed.

Zatanna smiled in spite of herself, "You're welcome detective." She said turning back to the email on the laptop.

"I'm not that good a detective," he admitted after a comfortable moment of silence.

"What makes you say that?" she asked idly never looking away from the laptop.

"Because I still can't tell whether you're mad at me or not."

Her fingers froze over the keyboard for less than two seconds and then danced over them again. "Oh?" she said not looking away from the screen.

"You scream at me last night then comforted me, you didn't come to bed last night only to make me magic coffee in the morning, and you've managed not to look me in the eyes when I talk to you all morning in a subtle attempt to distance yourself from me emotionally …." He said going down his list.

Zatanna turned slowly to face him and look him in the eye.

"I said I was sorry Zee," he reminded her.

"I didn't say I forgave you." She pointed out in an even toned voice.

He grabbed her hands in his, and waited until she looked at him again. "I know." He said.

Zatanna took her hands out of his and placed both hands on either side of his face. Dick leaned his face against her right hand, relaxing under his touch as she stroked his face under her thumb.

She got up from her stool and closed the space between them. Dick wrapped his arms her waist and looked up just as she moved to connect their lips. The kiss started off soft and hesitant, then she moved her hands into his hair and started kissing him more passionately; urgently. Dick responded to her kiss just as intensely and although it was different from the kisses they usually shared it was becoming more and more familiar to him. It was angry, possessive, and all-consuming.

Dick pulled away suddenly, cutting the kiss short and leaving her lips slack. Zatanna opened her eyes slowly and found a pair of guarded blue eyes underneath her own.

"Thanks," he said bitterly. "I think I've figured it out."

She ran her fingers over her lips as Dick dropped his arms from her waist. She went to wipe the lipstick from his lips and he caught her hand.

"I'll manage." He said as he used the back of his hand to wipe off the rouge.

Zatanna shrugged, "You wanted to know." She reminded him, taking her hand back.

He frowned in response, he hated how she made him feel, how she knew she made him feel on days like these. Her touch was everything to him, to them, what they couldn't communicate in words, they whispered in touch. When nights felt too long and mornings too short, holding her hand felt like breathing, kissing her lips like freefalling. But on bad days, days that got the better of them, kisses no matter how soft felt like bruises and love making like war.

"I'm good," he said dismissively, watching her take her seat again as he grabbed his coffee.

"Oh I know." She said in a seductively taunting tone. Dick looked at her flatly; the expression on her face was smug as she turned to face him again.

"Now all you have to do is prove that to Wyette."

"So you heard that, huh?"

She nodded silently and placed her face in her opened palms. "Just a little bit, I'm starting to think maybe we're letting John read too many books that are ahead of him." She mused. "So what's the plan?" she asked suddenly.

Dick looked at her skeptically, "It's a secret" he said after a moment.

Surprise flitted across her face and then disappeared. "Well, good luck then." She said nodding in the direction of the stairs before snapping her fingers and creating a large breakfast of the kids' favorite foods.

John made it down the stairs first; eyes weary before taking in the breakfast at the table and dropping his jaw.

"Woah!" he cried, his eyes lighting up.

Wyette came down the stairs second, hesitantly at first and as she took in the breakfast scene her eyes widened in excitement for but a second before seeing Dick and frowning immediately. She kept her face down and walked down the rest of the stairs slowly before sitting down on the last step.

Her thick wavy black hair curtained her face, though it was still messy from her sleep.

John ran into the kitchen and grabbed a plate, "Come on Wye, there's even real meat up here!" he exclaimed in excitement.

Zatanna laughed, "Yeah, dad thought it would be a great idea to get some protein in you guys today since…..well it's a secret." She said looking over to Dick in an obvious manner.

John's face lit up as he looked to his father, "Are we doing something special today?" he asked animatedly. "Is that why we get to have meat for breakfast?"

Dick finished his coffee and nodded, "Yep, right after you guys finish up your breakfast, we'll get the day going." He promised.

"That means you too, Wye," Zatanna told the seven year old sitting at the staircase.

She brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself. "I'm not hungry," she said.

"But all your favorites are up here, at least come look." Zatanna tried to coax her.

"I don't care, I'm not hungry and even if I was I wouldn't eat with him anyway." She said.

"Wyette," Zatanna said apprehensively, Dick placed his hand on Zatanna's arm stopping her.

Zatanna looked at him and then to John, "Come on John, let's give them some privacy. We can go eat on the balcony." She prompted.

John looked at his sister; "I don't know…." he started.

Zatanna resisted the urge to frown, "Fine, we can go into one of the closet dimensions for breakfast and you can pick which one we go to."

"No way! Okay, let's go!" he said grabbing his plate and hopping off his seat. He ran around the corner while Zatanna filled her own plate with fruits and waffles.

"Come on mom, I want to go off world!" John shouted from a distance.

She shot Dick the standard 'you owe me' look and started to leave the kitchen. Dick grabbed her hand at the last second and she looked at him.

"Later?" he offered.

"Later." She agreed before walking down the hallway after John.


	3. Chapter 3

**Zatanna's** **POV**

Later could not come soon enough, of course John would stumble across an off world prehistoric dimension. Huge reptiles were running rampant and the smell of raw meat made her stomach flip, she teleported her plate into the fridge and took a scorching hot breath through her mouth. She looked at her watch again, hoping Dick would hurry up with Wyette.

John popped out of the surrounding forestation, "This is so cool mom, come on we have to hurry. Maybe we can follow..."

She stopped listening and checked her watch again, following him into the thigh high grass blindly. Crossing closet dimensions and mapping them out on her dimensional globe was a necessity, it helped when it came to tracing the origin of specific areas of sorcery. This was especially resourceful considering her children were the reincarnates of the oldest practitioners of magic however, she was almost too sure that she'd find nothing here.

"Mom, are you listening?" John probed.

"Huh," she said caught off guard.

"Can me and Wye have our next birthday party here," Zatanna looked at him in unshielded disbelief, he hurried to justify his proposition. "I'll only invite my super powered friends so we wouldn't even have to worry about the secret."

"I don't think so big guy."

"Please mom, please, please, please! This place is the coolest." He begged as he began to mount a sizable rock.

"John please just eat your breakfast before something else does." She said.

"We never get to do anything fun," John muttered as his plate reappeared before him on top of the rock. Zatanna shot him a baleful look that went unnoticed as he dug into his breakfast and watched what could only be described as a winged lizard in Zatanna's book, fly above him.

She glanced at her watch and waited for the signal.

 **Dick's POV**

Dick faced the seven-year-old sitting at the staircase. "Are you sure you're not hungry?" Dick asked. "Even ballerina's need to eat."

When she didn't answer Dick carried a plate filled with a little bit of everything over to the staircase. He sat down next to her, and she pressed herself against the wall, putting as much distance in between them as the space would allow.

Her hair had grown like weeds in the year; it curtained more than just her face. It stopped just where her torso ended and legs began, at least while she sat in her shielded position anyway.

"I know you're mad at me Wye, but we have to talk about it to fix it." He said. She fidgeted behind her hair but didn't answer. "I'm so sorry I missed your recital, I really tried to make it." He said.

"You always say that. You always try but you never come." she mumbled.

"Oh? I thought I only missed three." He said in an attempt to keep her talking.

"Daddy, that's all of them" she said in an obvious manner that made Dick smirk "and everyone else's mom _**and**_ dad was there. You didn't even get to see me practice it because you never come home in time either." She continued. "And you missed our house party."

Dick looked at the pink streamers in the living room and still inflated balloons.

"I didn't know I missed the house party," he said.

She shrugged, her shoulder breaking through the rippling waves of hair.

"It's not because I don't want to be home Wye," he said.

"Then why?" she asked undeterred.

"Well if I come home early all the time, some people might never go home again." He explained. She turned around and peeked at him from behind her curtain of hair. Her cyan blue eyes were exactly like mothers, big, bright, and beautiful.

He kept going. "I love being here with you guys, so much that I want everyone to have what we have; a happy home. But there are bad people out there Wye, who hurt other good people and my job, is to stop them so more people can go home."

"I know," she whispered. "But who's going to stop them so you can come home."

Dick shrugged, "I don't know, but what I do know is that I am home now and I would really like to use this time wisely. We can even do another recital just for you today."

"With just us?" she asked skeptically.

"Sure, it'll be lots of fun." He urged.

Wyette pursed her tiny pink lips in concentration, before shaking her head. "It's not gonna work, we don't even have a stage or lights or anything." She said fully facing him now and picking a strawberry off the plate between them.

"Well then how about a deal," he said catching her attention, "you eat your breakfast and leave worrying about the show to me. There will be a stage, lights, flowers for the ballerina and if you want we can call Grandpa Bruce and Alfred so they can see the show too."

Wyette's eyes lit up but her face never betrayed her look of contemplation, "Can we have a house party too?" She asked.

"With cake!" She tacked on quickly. Dick laughed, it was no secret that Zatanna was a proud but fair vegetarian who let the kids eat meat occasionally, but that was nothing compared to Dick's once a week sweets rules.

"Fine." He agreed.

Wyette squealed with delight, "Okay, I'm going to finish my breakfast right now." She said excitedly. Dick pulled out his phone and called Alfred.

…

The rest of the day went seamlessly, Zatanna transformed the living room into a small theater just before helping the ballerina get ready in her attire. Dick and John set the stage with scenery, music and bright lights.

Alfred, Bruce, and Damian came over (at Dick's request) to watch Wyette's one girl ballet. They watched engrossed alongside Dick, John, and Zatanna as Wyette danced to her heart's contentment. Her rosy cheeks flushed with effort and excitement, hair pinned in a perfect bun, and eyes alight with joy.

At the end of the show, Zatanna served cake while Wyette was praised by everyone. As everyone else sat in the now normal Grayson living room, Zatanna nudged Dick with her elbow.

"Looks like you've pulled it off. You're the good guy again." She said admittedly.

Dick smirked, "Did you doubt me for a second?" he asked, grabbing a slice of cake and going to sit down next to Bruce as Alfred regaled the twins with another story from his past.

Zatanna watched her family from the kitchen and sighed.

 _ **Life isn't so bad when you've got all the right people.**_ She reminded herself.

Her eyes rested on Dick who was talking covertly to Bruce.

 _ **Right?**_ She thought as she desperately tried to shake the 'off' feeling and went to sit down beside them.


	4. Chapter 4

Zatanna rolled over lazily in the bed and stretched before grasping at the empty sheets around her. Surprise colored her thoughts as she moved her hand around the bed again, Where is he? She thought as she finally opened her cyan blue eyes.

She sat up slowly, bringing up the sheets with her to cover herself. She looked around the room and tried to peer past the glaring sunlight. The curtain to the balcony doors were pulled back and the doors were cracked open just ever so slightly.

The Balcony? she wondered, she glanced back at the alarm clock by her side of the bed. 10:52 am. It was a bit late by their weekday standards but today was Sunday; their lax day. She ran her fingers through her tangled bed head and sighed.

"Dick?" she called out groggily. There was a clatter from outside the bedroom door and suddenly he burst through the door in his boxers holding a silver tray with French Toast, eggs, fruit, and juice. Zatanna laughed and threw her free hand over her mouth.

"Morning beautiful," he smiled as he sat down towards the end of the bed, placing the breakfast platter between them.

Her eyes narrowed as she smiled wistfully, shaking her head slowly, "Mmmm looks great," she said suspicion leaking into her voice.

"Tastes even better," Dick said chuckling nervously under her gaze. Her eyes flashed to his face and back at the food.

He laughed loudly now, "Would you quit grilling me and at least try it? I trained under Alfred forever to learn to make all of these from scratch," he said placing an emphasis on scratch, "and it took me forever to get it all right with no burns."

She laughed and picked up the fork, "This better not be laced with ruphies or something," she warned semi-seriously.

Despite her intense scrutiny, it was delicious, and she couldn't help but smile. Finally, about five bites in she pointed her fork in his direction and cocked her head to the side. "Okay, what do you want and how much will it cost me in terms of magical items or energy?" she asked.

Feigned shock cross Dick's face and Zatanna shrugged, "I know how you operate Grayson, you're a nice guy but breakfast in bed, made from scratch using Alfred's recipe? No man is that nice," she countered.

Dick ran his hand through his hair and laughed, "Well I am, and I don't want any magical favor from you," he said.

"No sexual favors for food either Dick, I-" she started protesting.

He interrupted her with a kiss, though he only meant for it to be a quick peck his mouth lingered on hers longer than expected. He missed these kisses, the emotional sedatives and physical stimulants. The kisses that signified the beginning of an end; the close of the storm. He carefully moved the breakfast over to his side of the bed and secured her face in his hands. Despite her best efforts, her willpower crumbled in nanoseconds and Zatanna let go of the sheet she held in her hand to steady herself on the bed momentarily. Dick snickered when he finally broke off the kiss and between breaths he said it. "Go out with me."

Zatanna pulled back and look at him puzzled, "What?" she asked disoriented, genuinely having not heard him because of the blood pounding in her ears from their impromptu kissing session that left her without much breath.

"Will you go out with me, Zatanna Grayson?" he asked.

"I've already had two of your kids Dick; I think taking it slow now is a bit moot." She teased as she threw a piece of fruit in her mouth.

Dick rolled his eyes, "C'mon Zee, just the two of us. We could do anything we want to, like when we were actually dating."

Zatanna cocked a brow in deliberation, "Like a date?" she asked. "Like a date date?"

"Like a date date date," he answered wittily. Zatanna pursed her lips.

"What would we do?" she asked skeptically.

"Zee, if you have to ask I'm not doing a good job." Dick said looking at her exposed chest suggestively, Zatanna laughed as she pulled the sheets back up to cover herself.

"I knew you were trying to get laid." She laughed.

"Zatanna, I am not trying to get laid." He said looked at her evenly, his face serious. Zatanna looked at him just as seriously and his face broke into a smile.

He threw his hands up in a mock surrender, "Fine, I'm not doing this to not get laid either." He confessed.

"I knew it." She said scooping up another piece of her breakfast into her mouth.

Dick watched her eat for a minute, "You're a genius." He joked.

Zatanna shrugged, "I know, it's like what don't I know?" she asked rhetorically.

"How much you mean to me." Dick answered soberly. Zatanna looked at him with a puzzled expression and then understanding dawned on her face.

She swallowed hard and looked him square in the face, seriously this time, before speaking. "I didn't think we were still on that." She admitted pushing away the half eaten breakfast platter.

"I don't think we ever left….that." He confessed. They were quiet for a long moment, just looking at each other, feeling the air around them; deliberating.

Suddenly Dick was speaking, "Zee, I don't know how we got here but I don't want to stay here."

Zatanna got up from the bed and ran her fingers through her hair before putting it in a messy ponytail. "Can we not do this today? The kids are gonna be up any second and I just want to enjoy the rest of the day. Okay?" she said.

Dick watched as she grabbed their clothes from last night off the floor and walked towards the hamper.

"The kids aren't here; Artemis picked them this morning for a sleepover."

Zatanna stopped in her tracks and whipped her head around, "What?" she asked as if she'd heard wrong.

"Artemis-" Dick started.

"I know what you said, I meant why. When were you going to tell me this? What about their homework and school tomorrow? We're going to have to zeta to Starcity tonight-"

"It's a long weekend, they don't have school until Tuesday. I didn't tell you because I wanted to surprise you with an off day." He said.

Zatanna walked over to the hamper and pulled the lid open, she looked at the hamper in bemusement. "The laundry?" she asked.

"Done." Dick answered.

She dropped the clothes in the otherwise void hamper and crossed her arms over her chest. "You've done everything that needs to be done in the house." She said in an accusatory tone.

"Not everything, I figured I would save the biggest mess for last" he hinted.

She shook her head in disbelief, "Dick" she started.

"Zatanna," he said cutting her off, "I spent the better part of this morning cleaning this house from top to bottom. There is nothing for you to do in this house other than talk to me."

"What makes you think I won't teleport to the Bahamas for the day?" she asked.

"Well I obviously couldn't stop you, but I don't think you will." He said smugly.

Zatanna looked at him incredulously, "What makes you think that?" she asked.

Dick's smirk fell, "Because you know more than anyone that we need to get pass whatever this is Zee," he reasoned.

"Please." He said getting up from the bed and walking over to her.

She took a guarded step back, "I don't want to fight with you Dick so let's leave well enough alone."

"I know you know something is wrong Zee. We need to talk about it." He said firmly.

"Please." He said again his voice hoarse, "It's killing me."

She turned to face him, "Okay," she said. "Okay."

She walked back to where he sat on the bed and sat beside him. He waited for her to start, when she didn't he prompted her.

"You know what you want to ask." He said. Zatanna looked at him and nodded. "Go ahead."

"I don't know what's happening," she confessed quietly, "I've never felt so alone. Even when you're here it's like you aren't and I don't know if I missed something. Are we growing apart? Because we've never…..I mean, it's never been like this for us before, ever. Are we… are we just not fitting anymore?" she asked.

"No," he said taking her hands in his, and shaking his head slowly. "No, that's not it. There's nothing wrong with us."

"Then what is it Dick because we aren't what we used to be anymore. We're going through all the same motions but something's missing. You're missing." She said. She waited for him to deny it or say something but instead he watched her intently. His deep blue eyes torn.

"You're never here anymore," she continued, "and even when you're here, it's like you're somewhere else. I know it's not your fault though," she started backtracking, "you're just so busy at work with the new promotion and it's just going to take a while to get into the new swing of things around here. I think we're all just having a hard time adjusting to our schedules. The kids and their new extra circulars, not to mention their training, you and the promotion, and me getting back into show business. It's a lot happening at once, but I can just suspend my stage tour, it's not like there aren't other magician acts. Just until we're-"

"No Zee," he said cutting her off, "You can't do that, you love the stage and kids love going to see you. They love being apart of it, we all do. It isn't the adjustment, it's me."

"We're a team," she said placing her hand on his face, "this is my priority. I don't care what I have to do."

"I know Zee, but that's not it. It's not the promotion; it's not any of that. I haven't been here because I chose not to be here." He said.

Zatanna pulled her hand back slowly, looking at Dick almost strenuously. The weight of his words laboring the atmosphere between them.

"Zee?" he said hesistantly.

She nodded, "I get it." She said slowly.

She scrutinized his face and took a steadying breath, "Then where have you been Dick?" she asked.


	5. Chapter 5

Her face was chalky but her cheeks still managed to burn, even now. Her cyan blue eyes looked heavy, burdened even though her long lashes swept at the budding tear in her eyes.

Shame gripped him wholly as he realized he was responsible for the look on her face now. Her eyes searched his face impatiently waiting.

"Then where have you been Dick?" she asked.

"Not at work," he answered vaguely before wanting to kick himself. "I've been in Gotham with…..with the bats." He whispered.

She gasped, "You're still, you've been…" her stomach heaved and she lost her footing on the edge of the bed. Dick went to steady her but she pulled her body away so far back she slipped off the bed and landed on her ass. She backed away from him, "Have you and Barbara? Have you been doing super hero work?"

"Zee," Dick started as he inched towards her.

"No," she said answering herself, "No, we're retired. We retired for us, for the kids, for our family." She said surely. She looked at him with desolate eyes.

"We are retired." She said firmly, as if willing it to be a statement, but he knew she was waiting for his confirmation.

His lips wouldn't move, so he shook his head to answer her question.

Her brows shot up and her head shook in disbelief as if she wasn't certain this was actually happening.

"Have you been doing super hero work in Gotham?" she asked flatly trying to understand, what her mind deemed incomprehensible.

Dick's gaze faltered and then fell toward the mat.

"Dick?" she whispered. The blood in her face burned though she felt cold, ill.

"Yes." He said finally.

Zatanna turned on all fours and grabbed the waste basket beside the dresser and heaved.

She dry heaved for about a minute and gasped at the air like a fish out of water, trying to settle stomach from the reeling news.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She ignored him and propped her body against the side of the dresser, so she wouldn't have to look at him anymore.

"How could you?" she asked. "How could you, when you - when we- lost our own parents. We made a pact, a parent pact. We swore."

Dick hung his head in shame as they both recalled the promise they made to each other, to the twins. They had promised to be responsible parents, the kind that didn't go jumping off buildings and chasing mask faced loonies. They promised to retire, to devout themselves to their family, to each other. A promise he failed to keep.

A chill ran down her spine as it all started to make sense, the next words left her mouth without consent, "You were supposed to be on patrol with Barbara the week of Wyette's recital. She got hurt and you skipped because you felt guilty, because you should've been there. You felt so guilty because you two are still partners." She said numbly.

" _ **Were**_ partners." He corrected in a voice no louder than a whisper.

"How long?" she asked in a hollow voice.

"Zatanna, I-"

"Stop! Just stop! Or I swear Dick!" she promised as he tried coming towards her. "Stop."

He clenched his jaw and fists, "I fucked up Zee! Okay, I fucked up! But just listen please I can explain."

"How long?" she said in a hard voice, enunciating every syllable of every word.

"I…I'm not sure. A year maybe." He said.

"A year?" she asked, her voice breaking.

"Maybe less Zee, I'm sorry." He said sinking to his knees to meet her eyes.

"All of the missed recitals, John's missed awards night, the late nights, every time you lent a hand on other cases…the whole time you were doing super hero work? With Barbara?" she asked.

"I was just lending a hand at first, but a case bought me to Gotham and Barbara had already been looking into him but she needed help and was stuck. So I suited up for the first time in years and I stuck around a little longer than I planned, for Barbara but then I realized what was doing. What I was missing out on here and I stopped. I swear."

Zatanna looked as though she hadn't heard a single word he just said. Her mind was elsewhere putting other pieces of the puzzle together. The silence rang violently in his ears. A long moment passed between them.

"Have you and Barbara been doing anything else…..together?" she choked as she locked eyes with him. Her tear filled eyes hid nothing from him now, she was devastated. Betrayed.

"What are you saying?" Dick asked his brow furrowing together.

"You know what I'm asking Dick."

"No I don't," he said in an angry confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean did you sleep with her, Dick." She said in a forced voice.

"How could you even ask me that?" he asked angrily.

Zatanna's eyes bulged in disbelief, "How could I believe you lied to me?! How could I ask if you've betrayed my trust?! How could I ask if you ever meant anything…. _ **EVERYTHING**_ you've ever said to me?!" she asked incredulously. "Are you serious right now? Did you expect anything less? You're a liar Dick, so I am asking!"

"I didn't mean for this Zee, you know I-"

" **DID YOU SLEEP WITH BARBARA, DICK? I'M NOT ASKING YOU AGAIN**!" She shouted so loud that her voice felt like it would blister bother their ears.

" **No!** " he roared.

She flinched at the sound of his voice; tears fell over the edge of her eyes and ran down her face.

"No." He said again in a hushed tone. "No. Never, I would never Zee, I swear to you. It was never like that, it was just the super hero work."

She didn't answer, didn't move.

"I got caught up," he said next to her, "I got caught up in being part of something that was bigger than myself, like we used to be before. "

Zatanna barely heard him as she ran over the last year in mind, piecing together how she missed it. The tear obscured her vision, as it was becoming clearer to her.

 _The long nights, the fatigue, the arguments …..the loneliness_ she thought. She wanted to laugh at herself…..or kick herself she couldn't decide. _I should've known how couldn't I have known?_

She turned to face him, "I trusted you," she said cutting off whatever he was saying. "That's why," she continued.

"That's why I didn't see it, that's why I didn't get it, because I trusted you." She continued. "I trusted you."

Dick hung his head, "I'm so sorry." He said.

"Me too." She muttered as she got up and vanished in a swirling mist.


	6. Chapter 6

He hadn't seen or heard from Zatanna since Sunday morning and it was Tuesday afternoon. Wally dropped the twins off at the house Tuesday morning before school and Dick guessed by the look on his face, he knew what had happened.

He put on a brave face for the twins, told them to hurry and get ready for school before dropping the charade in front of his best friend.

"Is she at your place, with Artemis?" he asked.

Wally sighed, "No, sorry man. She called Artemis on Sunday and said she needed time."

"Did she tell her how much time? Where she was going?" Dick asked.

"No. Just that she needed time." Wally said.

The twins came running back to the door and Dick cleared his throat, "Say goodbye to Uncle Wally guys, we have to get going."

"Bye Uncle Wally!" they chorused before Wally walked them to the car and vanished at the speed of sound.

…

That was hours ago and he still hadn't heard anything from her or anyone that anything of her. If Artemis knew anything, she'd break her own arm before telling Dick and didn't tell Wally. If M'gann knew then she hid it well, even in front of Conner and Racquel wouldn't sell out Zee if her life depended on it even with a matter as trivial as this. This wasn't a shock to Dick, the girls were thick as thieves.

No calls, texts, magical messages and to make matters worse the twins were on their way home from school with Alfred.

Dick left work early so he'd make it home before them. A draft blew past him as he opened the door and he took off running. He ran upstairs and bust through the bedroom door, "Zee?" he called.

The air hung still, and he canvased the room looking behind the curtain and out the window.

 _Must've been a regular draft_ he thought dejectedly, suddenly there was creak from downstairs. He charged out of the room and jumped the stairs. "Zee?" he said pulling the door back.

"Master Dick," Alfred greeted him, walking in with a bag of groceries. Wyette and John held bags too as they walked into the kitchen behind Alfred.

"Hey guys, are there any more groceries?" Dick asked.

"No," Alfred, Wyette, and John said together. Dick looked into the hallway before he closed the door and walked into the kitchen.

Alfred leveled a glance at Dick and Dick walked over to the fridge grabbed a couple of snacks.

"Think fast," he said as he flipped over the counter and threw the snacks individually at the twins.

Between a fit of giggles and a series of jumps and flips, they caught the snacks.

"We get to have gummies today?" Wyette beamed. John looked up at his father just as stoked as his sister.

"Don't tell mom," Dick said as he winked. "Now go do your homework before dinner starts. If you guys finish early we can do some early training later."

"Kay." John said grabbing his backpack and dragging it behind him.

"Okay." Wyette said following suite.

"Good one Master Dick, all that's left for you to do is find their mother, avoid certain death, and mend whatever is left of your relationship with her." He said sarcastically as he starting cutting into vegetables.

Dick sat at the stool, "Thanks for the help Alfred," Dick said ignoring his comment.

"Have you heard from Ms. Zatanna today?" he asked.

"No," Dick whispered, "No one has and I don't want John or Wye to think anything is wrong."

Alfred sighed heavily before picking up the chopped vegetables and throwing them in a pot over the stove. He started grabbed an unopened chicken breast and put it in the fridge.

"Then I think we'll go all veggie tonight, as to not raise suspicion." Alfred said.

Dick smiled wryly, "Thanks."

Everyone knew Zatanna was a proud vegetarian, the kids only ever had meat on rare or special occasions or whenever Dick was in charge or food and even then they had to be 'clean meats'.

Alfred nodded as he began to make a casserole crust from scratch.

"I don't know what to do." Dick said. "Zatanna's never left before and I have no clue how to find her."

Alfred set a timer and sat down across the counter from Dick, "If I may Master Dick, you and Ms. Zatanna have been together for well over a decade and you have no idea where she'd go?" he asked skeptically. "That seems unlikely."

"I know where she is, but I don't know _**where**_ or even _**when**_ she is." Dick explained mootly.

"You've lost me, Master Dick." Alfred said frankly.

"She's most likely at Shawdowcrest Manor. It's the Zatara family home, but the house travels between states, countries, dimensions, time and space. You can only see the house, if the owner wants it to be seen and trust me, she doesn't want me to find it."

"I just don't get it Alfred; I know I messed up doing the super hero work behind her back but I didn't think she'd be this upset. It's not like I don't do the same thing on the force, risk my life everyday for the sake of others." Dick moped.

"From what I know of Ms. Zatanna, she thinks through everything analytically at least twice before execution." Alfred started.

"You read that on the Batcomputer, it's in Batman's profile of her." Dick said interrupting him.

Alfred nodded, "Exactly the point Mr. Dick, Ms. Zatanna understands firsthand the sacrifices that come with being a hero. After all, she was one and her father before her. She knows the degree of difference within the level of danger you're facing in the field as a detective and a hero. And above all, she knows what it's like to be orphaned because of that degree of difference."

"I know," Dick whispered, "I've always known. The minute she found out she was pregnant, she retired from the League just like that. She didn't even have to think about it, she knew nothing would ever justify the loss if something happened to her or the twins."

"She's certainly wise," Alfred said.

"But it wasn't like I didn't agree, it was just once I put on the mask, once I was out there catching bad guys in one night instead of three months after research and slow investigations, it was like I had to do more. More, so that I would have to do less as a detective and that way I could be home earlier for the kids...but it never worked out that way. I messed up for the right reasons Alfred, I swear I did."

"Well no matter how you spin it, those kids are going to realize soon enough that their mother isn't here." Alfred reminded him.

Dick looked at Alfred through swollen sleep deprived eyes, "I know Alfred."


	7. Chapter 7

The silence was deafening, the peace troubling, and the calm disturbing. Zatanna rolled onto her side, she laid on her bed waiting, crying, and thinking.

She looked at the room she'd spent such a meaningful portion of her life in. After her father had become Dr. Fate, she moved out of Shawdowcrest and into the cave, then she went to boarding school and college until she finally found her way back home. It was the only place on Earth, for so long, that made her feel whole but now its emptiness was a reminder of her bitter solitude and misplacement.

 _What am I doing here? I can't stay here forever._ She thought. _Wye and John are probably back from school now. I wonder what he's told them about my not being there._

"Wohs em," she said. She was watched as the twins got up from the library excitedly and ran into the kitchen where Alfred stood with a casserole. Zatanna smirked in spite of herself, she could practically smell the food from here and the twins adored Alfred.

She waved her hand through the seeing mist and dispelled the vision before her. Her heart ached to see them so happy from a distance. She wanted to be there to share that joy with them, to share that moment with them. The twins were her heart, even when she did tours she'd teleport back home if only for a minute to look at them while they slept. She swore every second she was away she'd miss something major, like a growth spurt or power manifestation or even a funny joke they'd tell.

Hot angry tears ran down her face. _Why am I the one hiding out? I didn't do anything wrong. I -_

 _ **BOOM. CRASH.**_

Zatanna shot up into a sitting position and scanned the room before hopping up and throwing on a robe. She walked out of her room and ignored the hairs standing up at the nape of her neck. The source of the noise was coming from downstairs. She braced herself; there were very few people on earth who could get pass the magical enchantments placed on the house. If someone made it inside alive, they had to be a threat.

She wiped away her tears and stood against the doorframe of the living room now. She counted to three and leapt into the living room. "Ezeerf!" She shouted.

A man in a long trench coat, stood frozen over a glass of bourbon and she ground her teeth together in annoyance. This was the last thing she needed right now.

"What do you think you're doing here Constantine?" She growled as she snapped her fingers and broke the spell.

"I could ask you the same question luv," he murmured capping the bottle and picking up the glass.

"I live -!" She started and then corrected herself. "This is my house John," she said through her teeth. "So why are you here?"

"I come here sometimes, reminds me of the good ol days." He shrugged.

She looked at the dishes in the sink and at the mess in the living room. "You've been living here?!"

John raised his hands up defensively and then took another swig of his drink. "Guilty" he confessed shamelessly.

"Pord eht ssalg!" she said.

The glass in his hand shattered onto the ground and spilled his prize.

"Get out John, get out of my house now." She growled.

"You didn't even hear my side of the story yet." He whined.

"Everyone's got a poison John, you were mine, liquor, drugs, gambling, sex, bad magic those are yours and now you're your own problem." She said as the house started to magically clean itself.

"Oh here we go again with the lectures. This is why we didn't work out you know. You're too bloody good for anyone." He shouted in his buzzed stupor.

"Not true John," she said dragging him toward the door by his jacket, "You're just not good for anyone. There's a difference."

He put his hand on the door before she could open it and she looked at him incredulously. "That's nothing new, but you rubbing it in is." He noted.

She sighed, "John, go home, clean up, do better. It's the only thing I've wanted you to do for years, you're better than this John…be better."

"Are you trying to comfort me? Stop, you're gonna make me sick." He said. Her eyes narrowed. He raised his hands again, "I forgot you're a mom now, all you do is comfort. How is the hubby and kids? Can't be going all that well if you're here."

"Classic Constantine, deflects the problem unto someone else. My fiancé and kids are fine, never been better. Thanks for asking, get the hell out of my house." She said yanking the door open.

"Oh so what? We can talk about my problems but not yours? That seems a little unfair." He said taking a step back.

"My house, my rules." She reminded him.

"Luv, friendship is a two-way street. You listen to me, I listen to you, and if we end up in bed together at the end of the night then everyone wins. But no one wins when they're all alone. Trust me, I'd know." He promised.

She rolled her eyes, "Here's the deal Constantine, if you want to stay here and talk, we can do that but we are not talking about my problems and we most definitely won't end up in bed together. You got it? That or I kick your ass out and let whatever demon you've pissed off find you." She proposed.

He looked outside and closed the door.

"Good choice." Zatanna said walking towards the living room.

"Yea, yea, yea. You must be mom of the year with those kind of deals." He muttered.

"Strike one." She said.

"What I can't even reference to them? Then why name your boy after me?"

"No you can't talk about them and we didn't name him after you, he's name after our fathers. So bring my kids up again, and you won't make it to your third strike." She warned.

"Okay, well can we talk about why your eyes are swollen? You've either been crying or you're recovering from pink eye, and I don't think it's the latter." He said.

"Strike two John." She said turning around to face him.

"Okay, okay, we're only talking about me. I get it now, no need to be hasty luv, the night's just starting." He said.

"Good, I'm glad you get it." She said dryly, a box of vegetarian takeout and a plate of steak appeared on the table. "Now, let's catch up."

\- Dick's POV -

The twins scurried into their seats, before their plates. Alfred was putting their casserole slices on their plates why Wyette finally popped the question.

"Where's mom?" she asked the two adult men in the room. John looked at Dick intently who (despite having serious qualms about lying directly to his kids) braced himself to lie.

"Your mom has been called away to Shadowcrest, on some very serious matters." Alfred said.

Wyette's eyes flitted to Alfred's face but John's eyes still studied Dick's face.

"Like on a mission?" John asked skeptically.

Alfred shrugged, "Something like that," he said.

"Mom's retired." John remarked quickly.

"I said it was like a mission, not an actual mission John." Alfred said reflexively.

"When will she be done? Why didn't she tell us goodbye first, mom always tells us goodbye first." Wyette remarked.

"Well it was unexpected guys," Dick chimed in, "but you know your mom, she's probably rushing to get back here as we speak."

John nodded to himself and took a bite of the food in front of him, "I bet you can't tell me what's in there." Alfred challenged.

Wyette and John immediately scooped another piece of food off their pates and into their mouths excitedly.

Dick forced a smile and thanked the heavens for Alfred.

It was a few hours later and his feet were itchy, a classic sign of his impatience and nerves. The twins were down, Alfred was in the guest room, and the house was quiet except for the nonstop ringing in his ear. He had called her maybe a million and two times, left an innumerable amount of messages and only twenty minutes ago did he think of a new and improved idea.

He grabbed the landline and dialed her cell phone number. The phone rang three times before

"Hello?"

\- Zatanna's POV -

Her phone lit up every time he left a voicemail message but it never rang. She blocked his number the minute she got to Shadowcrest, but she hadn't turned off her phone because she would never forgive herself if something happened to the kids and she didn't know about it.

As if on cue her phone rang, she rolled her eyes when she saw the number; their home line. It had to be Dick, she was 99.9% sure that it was but as it rang a second times she shifted uncomfortably, there was always the 0.01% chance it wasn't him. The twins knew her cell phone number by heart and her heart throbbed at the thought of missing one of their phone calls.

She picked up the phone on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Don't hang up." He said hoarsely over the phone. "Please." He begged.

She didn't move, frozen by the sound of his voice and the rippling hurt and longing that accompanied it.

"Zatanna you've been gone less than 76 hours and I can't do it anymore. Baby, I'm so sorry. I messed up and I'm sorry but I need you, the kids need you." He continued. "They miss you." He added weakly when the silence on the other side of the phone became deafening.

"Are they awake? Can I talk to them?" she asked in a broken voice.

"They're asleep." She nodded over the phone, she knew this. It was way past their bedtime and Dick not wanting to arouse suspicion would have put them to bed on time. She meant to watch it herself, the minute they fell asleep, but her conversations with Constantine had taken up more time than she'd planned.

"What did you tell them?" she asked through her tears.

"The truth, I told them you were at ShawdowCrest taking care of some unexpected serious issues." He replied quickly. He was so surprised she hadn't hung up he would've complied if she told him to jump out of a window right now.

It was quiet on the other side of the phone so he went on. "I didn't want to lie to them."

The minute he said he regretted it, a ragged breath left her mouth and he could hear it over the phone.

She chuckled blackly, "Because that matters now?" she asked rhetorically.

"Don't. Don't hang up. Please Zee, please." He rushed to say.

She wiped her tears away. "Why?"

"Because I love you, because I need you to be here." He said.

"It's always about you, isn't it?" she asked hollowly.

He winced, "No Zee, please, please don't do this. Come home. Come home and yell at me, hit me, hate me but _**be with me**_ Zee. Be with John and Wyette, but for the love of God, _**be with me**_. Come home. Please." he said.

She hung up then and threw her hand over her mouth to muffle her sobs. She teleported herself to her bed and cried into her pillow.

…Constantine walked in from the kitchen and finished his drink.

"Damn heros." He muttered.


	8. Chapter 8

Her vision was blurred, her eyes probably swollen from the amount of crying she'd done over the course of the night and her head was ringing.

 _ **Ugh….that's not my head**_ she thought tiredly, she grabbed at the phone and recognized the number. It was their landline again, and again she was 99.9% she knew who would be on the opposite side of that line but that damned 0.01% always got her.

 _ **If it's Dick, I hang up**_ she promised herself. She looked at the alarm clock in front of her, it was 6.30am.

She picked up the phone, "It's a little early in the day to start begging, isn't it?" she asked angrily.

"Mommy?" a voice on the other line asked.

Zatanna shot out of bed, "John?"

"Hi mommy," another voice chimed in.

Her heart splintered. "Hey Wye, John, how are you guys?" she asked trying to keep her voice from trembling.

"We're good," they chorused, she wanted to laugh they were always so in synch.

"You guys are up so early." She noted. "What's going on?"

"Daddy had to go into work late last night, so before school Alfred is gonna bring him breakfast." Wyette informed her.

"That's good. How's school, you guys doing your homework? Are you behaving for Alfred? You guys must love having him around huh?" she asked.

"Yeah Alfred is a lot of fun, but we miss you." Wyette said.

"I miss you guys too, so so much." Zatanna promised.

"Mommy are you going to be here when we get home?" John asked, Zatanna smirked, John was never one to beat around the bush.

"She's on a mission John." She heard Wyette tell him.

"That doesn't mean she can't come home Wyette." She heard John argue back. She could hear them scuffle over the phone a little.

"Mom can you tell Wyette you can come home?" John asked suddenly.

"Stop it John! Alfred and daddy said she's busy!" Wyette shouted from beside him.

"Hey, I am never too busy for you guys, it doesn't matter what I am doing." She reminded them seriously.

"So you're coming home today?" John asked excitedly.

"I'll be there," Zatanna promised.

"I'm glad to hear it Miss Zatanna," Alfred said on the other line, "Wyette, John, I hope you two are almost ready to go."

She could hear as they giggled mischievously on the other end and scrambled to get ready.

"Bye mom!"

"Bye mom."

"Love you," Zatanna said quickly.

"Love you!" they chorused from a distance.

It was quiet for a moment before Alfred spoke again.

"They're off the line now." He informed her.

"Alfred….I….I can't thank you enough. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this mess." She said her voice full of unhidden chagrin.

"It's been nothing but a pleasure my dear. In fact, the twins are a vacation compared to master Bruce and master Damian. They're actually quite remarkable." He admitted.

"I know." She breathed.

"I bet you would." He joked and she smiled on the opposite side of the line.

"I'll see you tonight then?" she asked.

He hesitated on the other end, "Master Bruce-"

"Owes me one," Zatanna finished for him, "So he'll have to learn to get along without you for at least one more night."

"Then yes m'am. I'll set the table for five then and let Master Dick know you'll be here." He promised.

She hesitated, in earnest she knew she had to go home. She missed her family too much to stay away any longer, but every part of her was afraid to see him. In the years that she and Dick had been together since having the twins, she'd never been so upset with him, never felt so betrayed and deceived by him.

It was Artemis' death all over again, she felt used and stupid but more importantly she felt like she couldn't read him, couldn't understand him, and though she never said it aloud; it rattled her.

"Miss Zatanna?" Alfred said again.

"Yes Alfred, I'm still here." She squeaked.

"Should I tell Master Dick you are coming?" He asked again.

She didn't respond, and he continued. "Or perhaps nothing should be said at all since it seems you're still at odds with the matter."

"No I'll be there." She said quickly. "I just…."

"Might I give you a word of advice Ms. Zatanna?" Alfred said suddenly.

"Y-yes sure." She said taken aback by the sudden change in his tone.

"Dick loves you, Wyette and John adore you, but maybe it's time you've started thinking selfishly. What I mean to say is, come back if you it's right for you. Dick's a grown man, Wyette and John are young and it seems like now is the time to take a break and think about what's really on your mind."

Zatanna sighed, "I'd love to Alfred but I don't think parenting is something you take a break from."

"They're not the ones I suggest you take a break from Ms. Zatanna."

Zatanna could feel the shock on her face.

"The children are ready, if I keep them waiting any longer, they'll…"

"I know." Zatanna whispered hollowly.

"I'll see you tonight then." Alfred said.

Zatanna hung up and as she brought her head back to her pillow, the phone fell back unto the bed beside her.


	9. Chapter 9

The words played over and over in her head on an endless loop, what did he mean.

 _ **Did he mean that she and Dick should take a break?**_

They weren't married, so it's not like it was impossible. The thought had simply never crossed her mind but then again they'd never been in this position before either. She also knew Alfred though and Alfred loved Dick and all the boys he'd raised in the Wayne Manor like sons, he wouldn't do anything to hurt Dick but she couldn't see how leaving him wouldn't do just that.

She thought about it, more than she wanted to admit to herself. Maybe they needed time apart to grow back together. The kids were young enough that by the time this blew over in a month or two at best, they'd hardly remember it. She'd take them with her, she couldn't live without them, she wouldn't. Dick could visit any time he wanted, all he'd have to do is call and she'd make it work. This wasn't a break up, it was a mini vacation from…..whatever they wanted to call themselves and it would only do everyone involved some well-deserved good.

She couldn't see Dick being okay with this though, he'd be upset and more than that, he'd be crushed. Even after all he'd put her through, she'd never want to inflict that kind of hurt on him. He'd lost his family once the last thing she wanted to do was take it away from him again.

She looked at the bed in the reflection of the mirror, there was nothing worse than sleeping alone after an argument; it felt wrong. She didn't want to admit it but being alone felt worse than being angry, she wanted to him to hold her, to comfort her, she needed him and she wondered if he needed her in the same way.

Part of her wished he'd never told her but in all honesty, she wished she hadn't known it all along.

"Your face is gonna stick that way if you keep it up you know." Constantine said at the door of her bedroom.

"Huh?" she replied absent mindedly. Zatanna came out of her pensive trance and John strolled into the room far too casually for her liking.

"You've been making that face since you got here. The face that says you're confused and upset about something, something serious." He guessed.

He took a cigarette out of his pocket and brought it before his nose.

"I'd bet my last dollar," he started.

"I'm surprised you haven't already." She muttered.

He continued despite her interruption, "I'd bet my last dollar that the acrobat has finally bent you out of shape. Tough to do, I'd know because you're pretty damn flexible when you wanna be, and don't worry luv I'm not just talking about the physical part of ya either. What'd he do? Cheat?"

She pressed her lips together and didn't reply.

"Nah," he said waving his hand around dismissively. "He's a genius boy scout, even I wasn't that stupid."

Zatanna got up and started walking towards the laundry room down the hall.

"It'd have to be big though, if _you_ left." He guessed following her down the hall. "Did one of the kids poke an eye out on his watch?"

"No," he answered for himself quickly, "You love those kids more than life itself, he'd be missing a limb by now and you'd be there or here with them…so that can't be it."

He dirty blonde hair fell before his eyes and chuckled, "Well, I guess it doesn't matter what he did since you're going back to him to work it all out. That's why he called yesterday, right? To patch everything up."

"It's none of your business John." Zatanna told him as she said as she pulled her hair into a ponytail and started to fold the laundry.

She sighed inwardly, she'd done more in the day then she had originally planned too and yet it still didn't seem like enough to keep her mind off what was to come.

"It is my business if you're kicking me out of the house, or worse, moving back in it." Constantine sputtered.

Zatanna eyed him in the mirror, "Do I need to remind you that this is my house?" she asked rhetorically.

She could feel herself dragging her feet, she should've been home by now; she'd promised Wyette and John but she couldn't bring herself to face him.

"Yeah, that it is but it sure as hell aint a home. At least not for you." He pointed out. "Common Zee, stop playing games, you love him, don'tcha? For fuck's sake, you nearly died giving him children. You've made a life with him, a home. You expect me to believe he fucked up so bad you left him and the kids? In what bloody world?"

She pressed her lips together and didn't answer.

"Dammit Zatanna, will you just talk to me already or better yet, listen?" John said throwing his hands over his head. Zatanna frowned and spun to face him. She pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and put it out on the wooden floor beneath her flats.

"You're the one who never listens John." She said. "Those things will kill you."

He cocked an arrogant brow at her, and she shrugged.

"Assuming something else doesn't get to you first." She spat.

"Yeah, well we've all gotta face the music some time." He said seriously. Zatanna's eyes fell to the ground and he took her chin between his thumb and index. "Even us."

Zatanna met his eyes again and sighed, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh I think you do." He wagered. "I don't know what happened between you and the acrobat, and if it weren't for the fact that you were walking around here like the living dead, I wouldn't care. But you and I both know you're going home, to your actual home Zatanna, and you're gonna patch things up with him because he's too big a part of your life for you not to."

"You know you could die or heartbreak?" he asked suddenly. "I wouldn't know anything about being a spouse or a parent, but I know a thing or two about heartbreak and trust me, it isn't something you set yourself up for intentionally."

"I know John!" she shouted as she spun to face him.

"You sure, Zee?" he shouted back with just as much fervor. "Because you've been walking around here in a daze like you're getting ready to make one of the dumbest decisions in your life."

"Enough John! You don't know anything about my life and you sure as hell don't know shit about my relationship. You haven't been a part of my life for a long time so don't sit here and lecture me like you have been." She reminded him.

"This isn't about us luv and don't make it sound like it is. This is about you and him, at the end of the day you love him," he said, grabbing her left hand in his. Her ring shone furiously between them.

"You and I both know, you can love someone and still be better off without them." she said in a soft voice that seemed louder than the yells.

With her hand still in his, she pulled off her engagement ring and placed it on the drawer next to the washer.

His grip on her hand tightened, "I've never known that." he said seriously.

She snatched her hand back and hung her head, "Yeah well it's something I'm constantly learning."

"What are you going to do, Zee?" he asked firmly. "You promised the kiddos you'd go home."

No part of her was surprised that he'd been eavesdropping, she was surprised however that he really gave a damn about the situation. She took a big breath and smiled meekly, "I know and I will….I am going home to see them." she corrected. "I just don't know that I am going home to stay."

Constantine studied her face closely and sighed, "Yeah well, I'll finish tidying the place up if you decide to come back with the little stinkers. Just let them know Uncle Johnny's room is off limits."

She smirked a little, "I didn't know they had an Uncle Johnny."

He shrugged, "He's a good friend of their mums. Who wants to see her happy, even if that means, he has to back her up on all of her really stupid, hard emphasis on stupid, ideas."

A small smile started to form at her lips and her rolled his eyes, "John," she started.

"Stupid." He reemphasized as he sank into a ring of fire beneath his feet before she could get all sentimental.

"Thank you!" she shouted into the house because she knew he was still there.

"Go home already." he shouted. "They're waiting for you."

She smirked took a deep breath and opened a portal to the Grayson home. The twins had just come back from school excitedly with Alfred in tow and she smiled as they ran through the house in an effort to find her.

Wyette ran upstairs and John pulled open nearly every door.

She walked through the portal and tapped Alfred's shoulder lightly before pecking him on the cheek.

"Welcome home Ms. Zatanna." He said warmly.

She could hear the twins running towards her from either direction.

"Mom!" they shouted as they slammed themselves into her.

She bent to down to hug and kiss them erratically between their laughs, "The one and only," she whispered, fighting the urge to cry, and running her fingers through their midnight black hair; bringing their foreheads to hers.

"Welcome home mommy." Wyette breathed as she wrapped her small arms around her mother's neck. John nuzzled himself deeper into the embrace and didn't take his eyes off hers for a second.

"What am I?" Alfred scoffed. "Chopped liver?"

Zatanna laughed and the twins joined in.

"Absolutely not Alfred." She promised.

They locked eyes with one another and Zatanna clutched the twins closer to her before dropping his gaze and pulling away from them while holding their hands.

"Okay," she said, "Tell me about everything that's happened, since I've been gone."


	10. Chapter 10

He had just touched the apartment doorknob when he heard the twins speaking over one another before he heard a patient sigh and soft voice tell them "One at a time guys." Before chuckling softly. The sound cut through him and chills ran down his spine before he thrust the door open quietly and finally saw her.

She sat in a crossed legged position on the floor with the twins who were bouncing around, unable to contain their excitement. She paid unyielding attention to the twins' report of the week as they tried their best to speak one at a time without interrupting one another, it was a skill they were still working on. She laughed again when Wyette said something about Alfred and again the sound ate away at him, her gaze met his briefly just before looking away expertly. He closed the door to apartment and the twins whipped their heads around before hopping off the floor to greet him.

"Dad, Mom's home!" they shouted as they ran over to where he stood.

Alfred stood at the kitchen counter wearily, but before he could make out anymore of the situation his eyes flew back to her as she stood up from her crossed leg position. Her raven locks were pulled back into a ponytail, she wore a loose white blouse with no sleeves, denim shorts and a pair of white sneakers. Her rosy red cheeks were flushed with color and her lips looked just slightly uneven; her lower lip just slightly swollen from bringing them just under her teeth when nervous, her cyan blue eyes were steely; guarded and lightly rimmed in red from what he knew could only be excessive crying.

He managed a smile for the twins and scooped them up in his arms. "I can see that." He said walking over to where she stood.

"Welcome home." He said warmly as he stopped two feet in front of her. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her deeply, he wanted to lift her off her feet to spin her around to make her laugh, the way he always did whenever they got back from being apart for more than full day. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was and wanted to know what she was thinking, he wanted to let her know how much he missed her. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her but he didn't, couldn't.

He was still struck that she was standing before him, that she'd even left in the first place. It felt like a daze, like a dream that would disappear if he was too advancing. A tentative look in her eye told him she was uncomfortable with the situation especially with John and Wyette between them and she was nothing if not a doting mother.

"We missed you mommy, a lot." Wyette said interrupting her as she was just about to speak.

"A lot, a lot." John echoed.

"A lot, a lot, a lot." Dick finished slowly.

Zatanna laughed and her face slipped into a pout, "So you guys aren't mad, I didn't have time to say goodbye?" she asked.

"I think I heard my fair share of complaints about that." Alfred said walking into the living room.

"Not anymore," Wyette said quickly, "We forgive you, just don't do it again." She ordered

"Ever." John added suddenly.

Zatanna laughed and watched as the twins hopped down from Dick's shoulders (with his assistance), she held out her pinky and the both of them rushed to meet it with their own pinkies.

"I promise." She said.

"Now," Dick said, "Go get cleaned up for dinner."

John's face slipped into a pout, "But mom just got here, I wanna hear about her mission."

"Me too," Wyette agreed easily, "Plus I'm not even hungry yet." She said proudly.

Zatanna ran her fingers through Wyette's long wavy silk black hair. "Common guys, you heard em', wash up for dinner." She said. "I'll tell you stories later."

The twins groaned but dragged themselves up the stairs obediently and the minute they did, everything in her being wished they hadn't. The tension in the air was stifling and she walked pass both men and into the kitchen without saying another word. She ducked down and pulled open the cabinet doors of the kitchen island to look for a pot she knew was there.

Panic coursed through her veins as she heard their trailing footsteps.

"Zee?" Dick called.

She popped out from behind her ever-penetrable fortress of solitude and looked at both weary men.

"Can I help you with anything Ms. Zatanna?" Alfred asked as the silence had grown uncomfortable.

Zatanna turned to face him, her face beat with chagrin, "Alfred you've really done far too much as it is. I couldn't ask you to lift another finger, I'll take care of dinner tonight if you don't mind."

"Don't be ridiculous, dinner's already in the oven and the only thing I'd mind is if you let the quiches burn while I pretend to go pack to give you two some privacy." He said seriously.

Zatanna smiled in spite of herself, "Thank you Alfred," both she and Dick said, as he disappeared into the hallway.

Dick stood at the kitchen entrance and leaned against the wall, in an effort to keep himself from running over to her. "You're back?" Dick asked cautiously.

"For now, for them." She said quietly.

Dick took a deep breath through his nose and she dropped his gaze. "What can I say to make you stay?" he asked. "What can I do? Let me make this up to you, Zee."

"Honestly Dick, I think you've done enough. I really just want to have a quiet, normal night at home with Wye and John."

"Then don't go again." He pleaded as he walked over to the kitchen island a few feet from where she stood. "I don't want to have to lie to them or pretend that everything is okay when it's not. They missed you like crazy, they ask about you morning noon and night, and all I can do is watch them be miserable about something that's my fault."

"What do you think I've been doing for the past year Dick?" she asked in a hard-angry voice as she glared up at him.

"You lied to me for a _**year**_ ," she reminded him her voice breaking, "lied to _**them**_ for a year, and I stood here every day feeling like an inadequate mother and partner, while you played hero and _**let**_ me feel that way. _**For a year**_." She said emphasizing her last sentence.

His breath caught as he went to speak, and she continued.

"Didn't you care at all how I felt? How they felt? Did you even notice-" her words stopped cold as she heard the twins scurry down the hallway above them. She let go of the breath she was holding, "We can't do this right now," she said.

"Please, I'll do anything, I'll sleep on the couch, in the twins' room, anything. Just stay, I know you're mad Zatanna and you have every right to be, I know I messed up but please just stay." He whispered. "We can work it out later, when Alfred's gone and the kids are down."

Hot tears started to prick her eyes and she shook her head, "I don't know if we can Dick and I don't know that we should." She said her voice breaking.

Shock ripped through his features as her words tore through the tension between them.

"Of course we can Zee, I love you and I'll do anything to fix this, to fix us, I swear." he started saying as he began walking towards her.

"Please don't." She put her hand up in warning and looked him in the eyes though her unshed tears were starting to blur her vision. It was then that he noticed her naked ring finger and his heart began to sink.

"I don't know that we're on the same page anymore Dick," she muttered.

"Zatanna, please" he said, his voice pleading now, "I fucked up, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry but think about what you're saying, we've been through worse, we'll get through it -"

"This isn't an argument Dick," she said dejectedly, "I'm not debating with you, I'm _**telling**_ you that I don't know that this…us…is working for me anymore and I'd really like to think it over…alone."

She looked up at him and he looked like he had been punched in the gut, breathless and slightly dazed.

"So you're leaving?" he asked hollowly.

Tears fell from her eyes as she closed her eyes and nodded, she couldn't bear to see him so crushed and again she wondered how he could possibly watch her go through the same thing for a year and not feel so overwhelmed.

"What about Wye and John?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"They won't even know I'm gone." She promised. "I'll be here when they are, when they wake up, when they're home from school…. but once they're asleep I'm going back to Shadowcrest."

"I'll know." He said.

Just then they heard the twins running down the stairs. She quickly spun to open the sink and rinse her face of the salty tears and heard Dick clear his throat. She gripped either side of the sink and tried to swallow the sobs she could feel rising from her throat.

She looked over her shoulder just in time to see Dick leave the kitchen to stall them in the living room.

Just as she patted her face dry and they walked into the kitchen, Alfred's timer went off and she pulled the quiches out from the oven. Alfred walked into the kitchen and cleared his throat exaggeratedly, Dick and Zatanna looked at him questionably.

The twins excitedly ran to the fridge and pulled out a tray of cupcakes covered in frosted letters that spelled "Emoclew Emoh Ymmom".

"Surprise!" they shouted in unison as they brought the cupcakes to the table. "Welcome home mommy."

Tears sprung to her eyes again and she let them flow freely now, Alfred handed her a handkerchief and she thanked God that she went makeup free today.

"I love it." She rushed to explain as the twins looked at her perplexed. "Thank you so much you guys."

"It was dad's idea." John beamed.

Zatanna turned to look at Dick in surprise.

"Welcome home." he said, his eyes heavy and voice low.

"Welcome home," Alfred echoed.

"Welcome home!" Wyette and John finished.

Zatanna smiled meekly and forced a laugh through her tears, "Thank you." she whispered.


	11. Chapter 11

"You know, I'll never get used to traveling via closet." Alfred said as Zatanna opened a portal for him through the pantry door.

She smiled, "It takes some getting used to." She allowed. "But try not to think about it as sorcery think about as walking from one room to the next."

"I'll try to keep that in mind." He promised.

"Good," she said smiling half-heartedly.

Alfred frowned, "Sometimes we love things, people...so much we forget to love ourselves." he said obviously struggling to find the words as years of living Bruce had clearly taken its toll. "But we can't give to others, what we lack in ourselves."

"Thank you, Alfred," she whispered with a small smile, "I'll try to keep that in mind."

Alfred didn't laugh, but his eyes twinkled and his lips curled up into a small smile which meant he caught her joke. He hung his head a little before he started shaking it, he looked back up at her and smiled.

"I'm indebted to you, you know." he said suddenly.

Zatanna looked at him incredulously perplexed. "No Alfred, you aren't." she said dryly.

"But I am."

"But you really shouldn't be," she urged.

"Zatanna, you've brought more joy and healing to this family than I have seen in a long time and I assure you, I've nearly seen it all."

Zatanna shook her head in disbelief, "Alfred, I-"

"Trust me Ms. Zatanna, you've made an earnest man of him, a father, and so much more. Those kids have made Bruce a softer man and Damian kinder, if it's at all possible and that's all because you walked into his life and decided to stay. You've given them hope, me hope, that there is more to life than revenge, darkness, or justice. You've reminded them that there is love but with that love comes difficulty and though it seems hard now it's that difficulty that makes it stronger."

Zatanna's eyes swam with unshed tears as her hand was clasped over her mouth, she shook her head in disbelief and what Alfred could see was clearly agonizing pain. She hid it so well, her frustration and sadness but years of living with Bruce had taken its toll; he could see right through her.

He smiled gently, "Keep that in mind." he said as he hugged her to him and placed a soft kiss on her temple. "Good night, Zatanna."

The portal closed the second after he stepped through it and Zatanna took steadying breaths as she went to wash her face of the emotional evidence before seeing the twins off to sleep.

Dick had finished tidying up the kitchen and was upstairs supervising, while the twins were getting ready for bed. Part of her wondered if she should sneak out now while everyone's back was turned but she didn't and in good conscience couldn't. She knew the twins would be expecting her to say good night and possibly fill them in on her 'mission'.

She walked up the stairs slowly and watched as Dick whisper argued with them. She smirked despite her mood, if anyone could win Dick in an argument it would be them and he was clearly losing and growing more and more desperate as his whispers turned almost desperate pleading.

"What's going on in here?" she asked as she leaned on the doorway.

"Nothing much," Dick said smoothly.

John looked at him frustratedly, his angels face flushed from his opposition. "No, we don't want daddy to tuck us in, we want you to tuck us in. We want to hear about your mission." he pouted.

"Mom's tired guys, we should give her a break like we discussed." Dick said.

Zatanna pursed her lips playfully, "Well I guess I could tell you guys all about it, if I could rest at the same time." she mused.

John and Wyette's eyes lit up and she walked over to their beds and whispered a quick spell. "Gnirb eht sdeb rehtegot."

Dick lifted his legs as the beds came together and watched as Zatanna sat crossed-legged beside him, sending goosebumps up the right side of his body as she prepared to tell her tale. The twins listened to Zatanna's story with wide eyes and zipped lips though Dick knew they were dying to ask questions, particularly John who paid attention to every available detail in any story.

Interestingly enough Dick found himself listening too despite the fact that the better part of his consciousness was wondering how things were going to go down after the twins were officially asleep. He knew she still wasn't happy with him, not by a long shot but he couldn't help but hope that she'd miss this -them together as a family- enough to stay regardless of his mistake. She told them a story from her past, one he'd vaguely heard about but not from her, from Dr. Strange who had been so hung up on her after the mission.

It was just shortly after that time that they'd started talking again, as friends. She had most recently decided to forgive him for the entire Artemis fiasco and before than hand been on her ignore list. He could've jumped out of the watchtower window in front of her and she wouldn't have paid him any mind. Soon after they'd started talking again he asked her out and by some miracle she agreed. He'd been so excited that he couldn't contain himself, a real date with Zatanna Zatara. He was through the roof, on cloud nine, and nothing could bring him down to the ground.

He was suddenly pulled from his thoughts when he heard the twins groan in an over exaggerated fashion.

"What do you mean you don't know what happened?" John asked. "That was the whole point of the mission. Does Alfred know? What's Grandpa Bruce gonna say when he finds out?"

Dick smirked, John was always thinking two steps ahead.

Wyette threw herself back down to her pillow and sighed, she shook her head in disappointment. Suddenly she was pulling in shallow breaths and wiping tears from her eyes.

"What's wrong baby?" Zatanna asked as she got on all fours to stretch out between the twins and run her fingers through her fair.

"You have to go back mom, you gotta go fix it." Wyette said through her tears. "Your mission isn't over."

"No baby it isn't." Zatanna said kissing the side of Wyette's face that was partially covered by her tear stained matted hair. Dick's face stayed cool and calm though his lips were pressed into a hard line.

"But I'll be here." she promised. "I promise, I'll pack your lunches, help with homework, we can do training, nothing's going to change except I'll be on a covert mission."

Wyette seemed placated while John did nothing to hide his confusion and resigned frustration.

"I thought you were retired mommy, why do you have to go? Can't somebody else do it?" he asked.

"No," Zatanna said. "This is something I have to do."

"Maybe I could help." Dick offered, the double meaning of his words not lost her, as he extended a hand towards her. "It could help things go along faster and get back to normal."

She took his hand and locked eyes with him. "I think you've done enough." she said gently.

She slipped her hand out of his and leaned over to place kisses on the cheeks and hugging them tightly. She shook them up a little and smiled when they laughed, "I really missed you guys." she breathed. "Thanks for welcoming me back home." she said as she took Dick's waiting hand to help her off the bed. (It was second nature to her, how could she not?)

"Love you." Wyette said sleepily.

"Love you." John echoed.

"We love you more." Dick and Zatanna promised together.

They closed the door behind them softly and walked down the stairs, with their hands still joined. Neither of them said a word until they were out of earshot from the twins' room and Zatanna could feel her stress returning. Dick rubbed soothing circles unto the back of her hand with his thumb in an effort to calm her and himself.

She could feel her body relaxing under his touch and she hated it, hated that he could do that to her even after all he'd done. She jerked to a stop on the last step and pulled her hand out of his gently. He stood at the bottom of the staircase facing her and saying nothing. Their eyes poured into one another and she could feel the tension between them, sucking the room of its oxygen and usual airy feeling.

"I should go, Dick." she said quietly.

"I think we should talk." Dick countered.

"About what?" she asked brazenly. "About your lies, my wounds, and their pains? Or-"

"How about everything?" he offered.

They looked at each other for another quiet moment and suddenly he was speaking.

"Zatanna, this past year I have been nothing but selfish and I know that. I can't apologize enough-"

"I know you can't." she snapped. "So stop trying Dick, because I am so sick of your meaningless apologies and promises. I'm so tired of believing in such a worthless cause, of hoping, praying that one day you'll care enough to be here if not for me then for them. I won't do it anymore and I don't want it for Wye and John, it's not fair to them.

"It's not fair that they should have to deal with this because of me either Zee, I know this is my fault and I deserve this, but two wrongs won't make a right and you know that."

"You must be out of your mind if you think I'm going to stand here and listen to your morality speech when you haven't managed to make it to a single one of you daughter's recitals or one of your son's science fairs. You can't give a half hour of your day to support them, while I offer to be here for 15 hours of the day and I'm the bad guy?" she asked incredulously.

"I'm not making you the bad guy Zee, no one is the bad guy, but you know I'm right here."

"You just can't own up to it, can you?" she asked.

"I'm not saying I'm innocent Zee, I know I fucked up, I know that but I was trying to help. I was _**saving**_ people, that is what **_we used_** to do, what **_I still_ ** do on the force. Save people!"

She cast a sound proofing spell over the twins' room and hoped that without the verbal incantation it would be strong enough to keep them deaf to the conversation.

"Try saving your fucking family Dick! Try saving some time for your children or your God forsaken fiancé who has done nothing but have your back all these years only to be treated as a fucking patsy scapegoat when you fail to show up for us again!"

He didn't say anything, his lips pressed into a hard line and his stance rigid and defensive.

"Did you ever stop to think what you were missing while you ran around and played hero? Did you ever once wonder what would happen if something happened to you? Do _**you**_ know how much you mean to _**me**_? _**To them**_?" she said her voice quivering with the weight of her emotion.

He could hear it, the love she had for him and could see it in the way her anger was melting in his presence despite her hurt. His face softened at the sound of her voice, "Of course I do Zee but you never had to worry Zee, I was safe. I took every reasonable precaution and you know if worse ever came to worst, we have contingency plans for that Zee. In case something ever happened to either of us, you would never have to worry about anything. You-"

"You're kidding, right?" she asked rhetorically as she blanched.

He sighed. "I'm not saying you would ever have to use them Zee, I'm not going anywhere any time soon."

"You can't know that Dick, you can't possibly know that and that's why we gave up the life to have this one!" she shouted at him.

"I know Zatanna, I get it but that's also why we made a list of contingency plans to -"

"I don't give a FUCK about the contingency plans Dick! I want you, Dick!" she shouted so loud she wondered if she would wake the twins could hear in spite of the spell. "I want you, I've always wanted just you. You're enough for me, this family is enough for me. I don't care about the contingency plans because we shouldn't need them. All these years I've wanted nothing but you and I don't get what is so hard for you to understand about that." she bit her lip to keep from sobbing though she knew he knew that better than anyone else. Her breaths turned shallow and her eyes burned with tears ready to burst behind the lids. She tried to distract herself from the impending tears.

He suddenly pulled her down from the last step and before she could regain her balance, he wrapped his arms around her waist to catch her and lock his lips with hers. Her hands flew up to his shoulders to brace herself and then push him away but he ignored her shoves until they came to a slow stop. A small whimper escaped her lips just as one hand moved to the nape of his neck and the other pushed itself through his untamed hair.

He lifted her off the ground and her legs wound around his waist out of habit, his hands moved to support her from her bottom. She kissed him back passionately and for the first time ever they were not in sync, they were on different accords, he could feel the warring indecision on her lips in the same way it had been apparent in her eyes. He could feel the cool drops of water hitting his face and could hear the shallow breaths she took between kissing him and crying.

He broke the kiss and put her down, the tears cascading from her face doing nothing to dilute the wildfire that burned in her cheeks. He brought his hands to her face and wiped her tears away, his heart heavy at the sight. She brought her hands to his wrists and he dropped his hands from her face.

"You're leaving." he said, not as a question but as a self-confirmation of what was coming next.

"We had a deal, we made a pact and you broke it. You lied to me and you lied to them." she sobbed. "I don't want to do this with you anymore Dick."

"It's over Zee, I swear, the superhero work is done for life. Nightwing is done, the lies/half-truths are done, it's done. I'm sorry."

She smiled at him meekly. "The first time you said that, you told me your secret identity and you were robin at the time. The second time was after you let me believe Artemis was dead and used me to lie to everyone. The last time you said that I agreed to marry you and gave you children." she said. "I can't keep doing this with you Dick. It's not good for us and I think I'd rather leave than let Wyette and John hear you say those meaningless words."

He looked sick, hurt, and wounded and it brought more tears to her eyes. She was so used to being on his side that the sight of him now was making her physically sick but she knew worse pain. The pain of being without him, the pain of wondering if he loved her the way she loved and she didn't want that for them. "We're just not good together anymore and even if that weren't the case, I can't give you what I don't have." she said echoing Alfred's words.

She just looked at him with torn eyes and he felt the lump in his throat return. "I never meant for this to happen Zee, I didn't mean to hurt you, I love you."

"I know," she sobbed as she smiled ironically, "but I loved you so much more."

The words cut and stunned him on impact, and she didn't stick around to see it, just as he opened his eyes she was gone. He brought his head to the wall in front of him and let the words that rang violently in his ears molest him.


	12. Chapter 12

Dick climbed up the stairs and stood at the door of the master bedroom; gripping the knob so tight his knuckles went white.

 _ **How did this happen? When did we get so out of sync?**_ he asked himself.

He was almost afraid to open the door to their bedroom, seeing it empty again would make this problem too real and it was already real enough. He let the guilt wash over him again as he analyzed their conversation over and over, wondering what could have been different, what he could have said to make her stay and then he'd remember the kiss. It was broken, needy, desperate on both ends and everything they weren't _ **.**_

 _ **When did we become…?**_ He couldn't even finish the thought.

He turned and walked over to the twins' room, their beds were still together and he thought about going in to check on them and decided against it. He didn't want to chance waking them up….or making himself feel even worse.

He hung his head on their door softly.

 _ **What would they think? Would they think I was a good guy or a bad guy? Do they know?**_

He couldn't bear the thought of them knowing, it terrified him. They shouldn't have to worry about problems like these, problems between a man and his… _ **everything**_ ; he thought solemnly, his more than everything.

He needed to fix his fast falling world, but how? How could he tell her that he only did it for them? That he was almost certain something was brewing in the darkness that stalked them? That he had no evidence whatsoever but that there was something…something telling him that Nightwing was needed.

Being a hero meant you always had enemies, it came with the territory and even though they'd been out of the game, he had a feeling they were still on the field.

Or maybe he put them on the field by suiting up again? Maybe it was all in his head. They'd been out of the hero business for nearly a decade. Who could hold a grudge that long?

 _ **Too many people**_ , he thought bitterly _ **, too many messed up loons that were locked up or sealed away that worked way too hard at vengeance and not hard enough at reforming or simply giving up**_.

And yet as true as that was, he hated to admit he was no better, after all he'd kept tabs all these years on both his enemies and hers. Just in case, if by some chance someone came after them, they'd be ready. But maybe that was part of the hero's fate.

 _ **Or maybe….maybe Zee was right. Maybe, I haven't come to terms with the facts that family life and civilian living should be…is enough for me.**_

"Ugh!"

 _ **No! That's not it. It's something…something I still haven't put my finger on.**_

Something….something he wasn't sure was worth the rift that was being formed in his family. __

 _ **But what if? Enough with the 'what ifs' and excuses!**_

He groaned and dragged himself away from their room and walked down the hall, turning the lights off as we went. Why did misery feel so much lighter in the darkness?

Admittedly, some part of him was glad to be out there again as a night time vigilante protecting the innocent and bringing the light of justice to those who were too far out of the reach of ordinary cops. Of course, some small part of him, was excited, thrilled even to get back in the hero business but at the end of the day, Nightwing for better or worse, existed for the greater good. And his family was part of the greater good that he fought for.

 _ **That's the problem, Nightwing isn't needed, Dick Grayson is needed.**_ He thought fiercely. _**Wyette and John, don't need a superhero, they need a father and Zatanna needs me back too. And I need her back…..I**_ _ **need**_ _ **her back.**_

He stood at the door to their bedroom and froze. _**Maybe I should call her? And say what? What didn't I say? What more could I have said? What more could I have done? That kiss? When did we get to…..there? How long have we been there? Is it too late to leave there?**_

He pushed the door open to their room and sighed, he walked over to the drawer by the wall and froze as he saw little bundle underneath the sheets. His heart sank as he walked over and saw the wavy black hair strewn over the pillow.

He pulled back the sheet and watched as Wyette scrambled up from her position to look at him.

"Hey Wye, what's wrong?" he asked.

"I don't feel good." She said pulling her stuffed bunny under her arm and playing with his ears.

"Is it your stomach?" Dick asked.

"No."

"Your head?"

"No."

"Did you hurt yourself?" he asked tensely. The last thing he needed now was for something to go wrong with one of the twins. If Zatanna was upset now…..a chill ran down his spine.

"Well where does it hurt?" he asked sitting on the bed beside her.

He looked her over anxiously, she looked fine, she was in her batman pajamas (Alfred had given the twins a pair because he thought it was so hilarious), her black hair was disheveled, there was a small cut on her forward but it had long since scabbed over, and her temperature seemed normal.

She shrugged her tiny shoulders, "I don't know." She mumbled dejectedly, her small lips slipping into a pout.

"You don't know where you don't feel good?" he asked cautiously.

She shook her head, her hair dancing with every movement.

"No," she said in an exaggerated huff, flopping herself back onto the bed.

"I don't know what it is. I just know I don't feel good."

Dick laughed at her dramatic reaction, "That's good detective work," he joked.

She smiled angelically at him and yawned.

"C'mon Wye, we have to go to bed." He said taking her hand in his. "And that means you have to be across the hall."

She pulled her hand away and shook her head, "Can't I sleep with you guys tonight?" she asked. "I don't feel good, I promise I'm telling the truth." She whined.

As if she'd just realized what she'd said, her head whipped around to scan the room. "Where's mommy?"

"She had to step out for a little bit," Dick said running his fingers through her knotted hair, "But she'll be back before you wake up, I promise."

Wyette's face turned pensive, her small brows attempting to meet at the center of her flushed round face. "Why did she have to leave?"

Dick opened his mouth to lie but couldn't, "Lots of reasons baby, but you know mommy, she's probably counting down the seconds to get back to you guys."

Wyette didn't say anything for a long moment before she started fiddling with the bunny's ears again.

"I hate it when she leaves." Wyette mumbled, the fatigue trailing into her voice.

Dick cocked a brow at her, she knew better than to say the **H** word. Zatanna scolded her every time for saying it, _'it's too powerful a word for a seven-year-old'_ she'd say. But looking at the empty sheets on the other side of the bed and at the tired but frustrated ballerina in front of him, he couldn't help but think maybe just this time, she was right.

He could see her fighting off the sleep in her eyes and he helped her settle into the sheets, before letting go of a quieter sigh. Wyette was out in a matter of seconds and he brought his arm over her protectively as he went to lay beside her.

"Me too." He whispered.


	13. Chapter 13

"Do you want my honest opinion?" she asked.

Zatanna sighed, "No but I have a feeling you're going to share it with me whether I want it or not."

"True," Barbara laughed.

"Well," Zatanna frowned, "Let's get it over with."

"You shouldn't punish him over this, over me. He was just lending a helping hand. You know he loves you and the kids, Zee. You're his whole world, he does it for you, for them, I get it you two made a deal but in the end, you know in his own messed up way, it was only for you. Drawing it out like this...it's not fair to anyone."

Zatanna kept her focus as she magically tried to revitalize the tissue around Barbara's spine.

"What so you're not gonna answer me?" Barbara asked as laid face down on the therapeutic mat.

Zatanna sighed, her focus still engaged and her magic working slowly but assuredly on the damage.

"I guess we're both working on each other's nerves, huh?" Barbara joked.

Zatanna laughed in spite of herself.

"Ha, made you laugh." Barbara bragged. "Now you have to talk to me, common, Zee."

"That was such a Dick joke." Zatanna breathed. "You two really are quite the pair."

Barbara smiled, "Yeah we're good together, you're better though."

Zatanna didn't respond.

"Okay, you have keeled over and died if I'd admitted that to you in our twenties." Barbara coaxed.

Zatanna tried to fight the smile that threated to destroy the scowl she'd been wearing on her face, and failed.

It was no secret that Zatanna and Barbara had competed for Dick's affection when they were younger, thinking of it now made her roll her eyes. The thing was though, despite their mutual feelings for Dick it never interfered with their friendship. Granted it started out rocky, they were strictly professional and only petty occasionally, but once they'd gotten to know each, Barbara and Zatanna couldn't help but enjoy the others company. They made for a great duo themselves on many operative missions and though they weren't the best of friends due to their mutual object of affection, there was a kinship between them that they couldn't deny.

"Okay," she conceded. "That much is true."

Barbara smirked and Zatanna smiled.

"Ugh! Can you stop trying to make me like you right now? I'm mad at you Barbara, seriously." Zatanna told her.

"Why?" Barbara whined. "Just talk to me about it."

"Talk to you about what, Barbara? It's not like you don't know what happened. You were there. You were running from rooftop to rooftop with him." Zatanna groaned.

"And how could you? You know how hard we worked to leave this life behind, how could you? You're the aunt and godmother of my kids and you let him waltz back into superhero work knowing John and Wyette would be waiting up for him. That I would be waiting up for him." Zatanna stopped her flow of magic and ran her hands through her hair, before covering her face and letting go of a big breath.

"I didn't know you didn't know." Barbara said.

Zatanna looked at her scathingly, and Barbara rolled her eyes, "Okay, I assumed you didn't know but I didn't know that for certain. And okay, so he didn't tell you right off the bat but he told you eventually. It's probably been eating him alive. Plus you know he takes a while to fess up to stuff, he internalizes first and sits on it forever; you know how long it take him to tell me stuff?"

"That's not the point Barbara, you're his best friend, I get it and I can respect that. But I'm not some girlfriend of his, I've been his fiancé for nearly a decade and I'm the mother of his children, there's a degree of difference in our relationship in comparison to him and anyone else's. I've given him, what is essentially, my life. The least he could do is return the favor."

"Zatanna, he's a grown man who made a decision and is entitled to-"

"That's just it Barbara," she said cutting her off, "he is a grown man with a family, that means the choice he makes affects me and my kids, so yeah he made a choice. A choice that weighted the lives of me and our children, and he chose wrong. He chose **the** life instead of **our** life. There's a difference and don't you dare sit there and play advocate because you two were in it together like you always are."

"I'm s-"

Zatanna put her hand up and Barbara pursed her lips.

"If I hear that word again my head's gonna explode." She whispered, her voice quivering.

She took a steadying breath and resumed her work on Barbara's back.

"So when are you going to go home?" Barbara asked after a long quiet moment.

Zatanna shrugged, "Tomorrow, I told Wye I'd get her ready for her dress rehearsal." she said automatically.

"That's not what I meant." Barbara said. "You know that."

"Well, I guess I don't know."

"But you're going back, right?" Barbara asked.

Zatanna didn't answer and Barbara turned to look at her evenly.

"Zatanna?"

"I don't know." Zatanna whispered.


	14. Chapter 14

It was Saturday night, Dick sat in a chair in the living and watched as the clock hit midnight, officially making it Sunday. Zatanna was nothing if not prompt and she insisted on bedazzling Wyette's tutu herself, a task that would in an ordinary circumstance take her less than 10 seconds, a whispered spell, and a flick of the wrist. However, considering Wyette's rehearsal was at eight and her show was at ten, he figured she would make breakfast and start getting them ready no later than six. But just in case he was wrong, he wanted to be sure he saw her the minute she walked into the door, so he would wait.

 _ **She told the kids she' be here Sunday, it's Sunday and Wyette's rehearsal is in a few hours. She has to come if only for them and then we'll fit it. We have to fix this.**_ He thought to himself morbidly.

It was three am and he hadn't moved a muscle, instead he ran over what he could say in his mind and yet every time he thought of the way she last looked at him he came up speechless. Every time he thought of her lips touching his he flinched remembering the searing pain they shared with their last kiss. There was something wrong, there had to be, because there was something more. Something she told him in that kiss that he'd never seen or felt from her before…..at least not on this scale. He couldn't bare to think that he alone had done that to her with his actions. _**But maybe…..**_

Just then there was a knock on the door and he got up to answer it, he ran his fingers through his hair nervously and brushed off his shirt; as if to brush off his nerves.

He pulled the door open swiftly, "Welcome home," he breathed.

A puff of cigarette smoke blew into his face, "Thanks, that's real sweet of ya bloke." John Constantine said as he strolled into the penthouse nonchalantly.

"Constantine, there'd better be a real good reason as to why you're at my house." he said menacingly.

If Constantine was here, it could only mean one thing; he knew. And if he knew that meant Zatanna told him and the last thing he needed in his already complicated life, was Zatanna's complicated ex (who was still very desperately in love with her) to start giving her advice or trying to be apart of their lives.

"Relax mate, its not like you haven't already lost the only thing that matters." John griped almost mockingly.

Dick's eyes narrowed and John's eyes danced with mirth.

"Yeah, I know." John replied with a smirk before disappearing and simultaneously closing the door, then reappearing behind him. Dick spun around to face him.

"What do you want Constantine?" Dick asked impatiently. He was mentally counting to ten in his head.

"Relax, I'm not here to brag about my night with your girlfriend. I'm a gentleman." He said winking at Dick. "No, I've come to see the kiddos and don't worry mate, Zee said its okay that they call me Uncle Johnny."

Dick grabbed him by the collar and slammed him against the wall next to the door. "You must be out of your coked-out mind if you think for one second, you're laying eyes on my kids." Dick growled.

Constantine chuckled, "For a trapeze act you're quite the strong man," he joked as he took another puff of his cigarette.

Dick didn't reply but tightened his gripped around Constantine, who put his hands up in a mock surrender.

"Alright." He said chuckling after a moment. "You and Zee are so damn touchy about those kids. What are they? Saints? Zatanna left this at my place, I thought I'd see if she wanted it back," he threw something in the air and Dick caught it reflexively. "If she doesn't want it back, I've certainly got better offers." He winked.

Dick brought his closed fist to his face and opened his palm. Zatanna's engagement ring sat in the center of his hand. He blanched, the color draining from his face at the revelation, Constantine shoved him then catching him off guard.

"What kinda welcomes this anyway mate? I'm gettin' the feelin' welcomes like these is why she left."

That did it, in the same hand that held the engagement ring, Dick punched Constantine square in the jaw knocking him to the ground.

"What are you doing!?" Zatanna shouted in the door way. "TEG YAWA MORF MIH!" Dick was blown back as she helped Constantine up before shoving him. "What are you doing here Constantine? How'd you even get in here."

Constantine brushed himself off as Dick stalked towards them, "I was invited in luv, don't look so surprised. I'm pretty charming."

Zatanna glared at him, "Why are you here John?" she asked through her teeth.

"Somethings rotten in the state of Denmark and for once, it's not entirely the acrobat's fault." He said. "I'm here to save your love story and give you your happy ending like the good man that I am. Why else would I be here?"

"Well isn't that sweet of you," Dick said sarcastically, "you'll have to excuse me for not buying the act."

"Good thing the show isn't for you, then, huh mate?" Constantine griped.

"She's not buying it either mate." Dick said in a hard voice. "And what's more, I could've swore I told you to get the hell out of our house already."

"Dick," Zatanna warned, "Enough."

Dick looked at her incredulously for a moment, she looked at him with flashing eyes (the same ones she gave Wyette or John when they were about to get into trouble) and he pressed his lips together.

"You should go John," Zatanna said firmly.

John scrutinized her face, looked up towards the ceiling before taking a breath and looked back her. "Don't do anything stupid," he grumbled. "I'll be back."

He dropped his cigarette on the ground and a ring of fire opened up beneath his feet and swallowed him whole, leaving the ground completely untouched.

"Nice," Dick seethed as he held up the ring. "Real nice Zatanna."

She turned to look at him through narrowed eyes and said nothing to him. Instead she started going up the stairs and marched purposefully into their room.

Dick followed and closed the door behind them before turning to watch as Zatanna looked through the drawers for something.

"John Constatine's place? That's where you've spent the last few days?" he asked dryly.

Zatanna turned around to look at him incredulously. "Believe me Dick, you don't want to go there with me." She warned.

"Well when you come in here smelling like a pack of cigarettes, cheap booze, with your ex in tow and no ring on your finger, I think questions are a natural response." He mumbled.

Zatanna closed the drawer she was rummaging through to face him. She brought her arms across her chest and cocked her head to the side. "Then please Dick, by all means go ahead and ask as many questions as you'd like. I _**dare**_ you." She challenged.

Dick flexed his jaw in frustration. "I don't have to." He spluttered. "I trust you so there are some questions I won't even bother asking." He said subtly snubbing her for the other day.

Zatanna ran her tongue over her teeth, "You know what's so ironic here? It's the fact that I'm the stage magician, and yet you're the real class act."

Dick flexed his jaw and hands but otherwise ignored the blow. "So, you're just going to seethe about it until you run out of steam? Or leave again? Come on Zatanna, at least I came clean and I stopped. I didn't have to tell you. I could've just stopped and never said anything, and no one would've been the wiser. Do you realize that? Does that mean anything to you?" he said, straining to keep his volume under control.

She glared at him blackly, "You just don't get it. You're so fucking self-righteous that you can't even begin to understand what your little lies have cost you, have cost _**us**_." She spat.

She could feel the anger rolling off her skin in waves. She hated fighting with Dick more than anything but she'd never been so angry, so betrayed by him and what made it worse? She never wanted him to hold her more than in these moments. In moment she felt like she was losing herself or worse...him.

She could feel tears rushing to her eyes but she fought them. She wouldn't cry not in _his_ arm, she wouldn't cry in front of _him_ ; the stranger he was becoming.

"Then enlighten me Zee, because I'm trying to fix this. I'm trying to fix us but you don't seem to be on the same page." He said crossing the room and standing before her.

"You could've pranced around Gotham and never told me about it but trust me, the only reason why none of us is the wiser is because we both thought you were trustworthy enough to make decent decisions. Decisions, by the way that don't affect just you anymore Dick, they affect me, and they affect your kids, your family. And now that you've given me every reason to think I can't trust you, you've managed to make an ass out of the both of us. So no Dick, **you** can't fix us. **You** broke **us**. This relationship isn't all about _**you**_ , it is about the two of _ **us**_ making it work, so if anything is going to fix _**us**_ it's going to have to be _**us**_. Do you get that?"

Dick felt like he's been punched in the gut and part of him wished he had been. He looked at the woman in front of him and felt sick to his stomach when he realized that he had done this to her. Standing before him in all of her glory was a strong woman who cared more about him than she did herself, her unclad eyes hid none of her pain, anger, and disappoint but exposed all of her love and devotion.

He noticed how when he moved towards her, she subtly backed away and braced herself.

Her eyes shone with unshed tears and he wanted to kick himself for making her feel she needed to be so guarded towards him. _**How far could I have fallen?**_

"Please, don't." Was all she said before he stopped in front of her and the sound at the door echoed into the room.

"Wyette? John?" Zatanna called out, blinking her tears back and trying to keep her voice from wavering.

There was another small sound from behind the door and they both stopped to listen.

"Bud?" Dick called out.

"Hun?" Zatanna replied, when they didn't say anything.

"Nepo" she ordered.

The door swung open, and Wyette stumbled into the room. Her usually ivory face was a ghostly white with a green undertone. A quiet gasp broke the animosity in the room.

"Mommy we don't feel so good." She muttered. Zatanna ran across the room and dropped to her knees, just as Wyette doubled over and threw up.

Dick right on her heels, grabbed the door and rushed across the hall.

"Shit!" she heard Dick shout from down the hall.

When he came back to the room, he held an identically sick John in his arms.

"He's burning up." Dick informed her as he cradled John to him.

Zatanna felt a roll of nausea roll through her, the thought of their babies being sick in any way, shape, or form made her ill to her core.

"Okay," she answered coolly, "let's get them to the bed so I can assess them."

"Peels," she said gently and watched as the twins fell into a troubled slumber.

They placed the twins on their bed and Zatanna sat down on the floor with crossed legs and immediately begun levitating and ebbing a silver light. She stretched her hands out and he watched as the light began to emanate from the twins too.

He ran his hand through his disheveled hair and went downstairs to grab a mop and some bleach. He knew better than to disturb Zatanna in her meditative state. So he cleaned the kids room and then theirs before putting the mop away and rejoining her about ten minutes later.

Zatanna wore an expression of confusion and weariness.

"What's going on?" He asked.

Zatanna looked up at him in panic, "I don't know, everything seems fine. I've checked their vitals and I don't know what I'm missing."

"Maybe you're overlooking something, you need to look deeper. Pay closer attention." He said steadily.

Zatanna took a deep breath through her nose and placed her palm on Wyette's forehead; looking for anything in her body that wasn't supposed to be there. A small gust of wind brushed past him as she went into her conscious meditative state, her eyes glowing with power.

He took a steadying breath and went into the bathroom and pulled out two small towelettes and dampened them with water.

Zatanna shook her head, "I can't find anything wrong." She said again a bit nervously this time.

 _ **Was she panicking?**_ he wondered. _**Zatanna had been studying the healing arts long enough to predict a cold two weeks before it came. Was this maybe an emotional block of her powers.**_

"You just need to focus Zee," he said in a hard voice.

Zatanna glared at him through wet eyes, "I know Dick!" She shouted at the same time John turned over on the bed and threw up again.

Her mind started racing and she bowed her head in concentration again, her body started glowing as she whispered a number of spells so fast it would've made Wally jealous. She held Wyette in her arms and sat in her meditative position, the puke vanished, and the twins were knocked out cold. This time though her light didn't envelope the twins, small golden light started ebbing from the twins bodies and she seemed to absorb the tiny little beams of light.

 _ **Nights like this, being the only human in the family drove him crazy.**_

She looked up at Dick who wore a grim expression on his face.

She turned around and sighed seeming a bit more in control of herself. "Something is wrong with their flow of magic, it's disturbed." She said getting her feet slowly with Wyette in her arms.

"So what do we do? How do we help?" He asked.

"I should go to ShadowCrest, get the answers we need. For now, they're under a sleeping enchantment, so they won't wake up for another 8 hours. I should be back by then." She said as she scanned the room for things she'd need.

"Do you mean we or do you mean you?" Dick asked, his blue eyes boring into hers.

"I meant me."

"I think we should all go." He replied.

" _ **You**_ want to go to ShadowCrest?" She asked skeptically.

" _ **I**_ want to help _**our**_ kids to the best of our ability. I can help, I can look for books under your instruction and take care of them while you find a solution. We're in this together." He explained.

"Alright let's go."

That was already seven hours ago and Zatanna was still coming up blank. She was reading everything about the flow of magic in the body and anything about the flow of magic between yin and yang. She panned through mystical healing arts research and cursed herself for being so useless to them, the people that needed her most; her family.

"I don't get it, why can't you heal them?" Dick asked as he played librarian, searching for, compiling and filing away books.

Zatanna was still pouring over the books he'd just brought her when she answered him, "I can't heal, what I don't understand. John and Wye have a different flow of magic from other homo magi's, their flow is connected which makes sense considering they're reincarnates of yin and yang. But just because they share that flow doesn't mean it flows through them (individually) the same way. If I do something to one of them, it'll affect the other one and I don't know what would happen if I tried to control it. I can't take that risk." She putting her face in her hands.

"What's happening to us?" she asked suddenly; the levitating books around her fell to the ground and she sank to the ground. "I can't risk it, I won't." She said again, more so to herself.

Dick walked over to where she sat and placed another stack of books beside her. He knelt down and placed his arms around her. "Hey, we don't have time to panic. If anyone can do this, you can Zee. I need you, they need you right now. Come on." He prompted her gently.

She didn't move and could feel his eyes on her face, watching and analyzing her, but she didn't face him. She couldn't, not now when she still saw him as a stranger and not the man she loved.

He sighed, "Let's take a break and check in on them. They'll be up soon." He said as he stood up and walked out of the library.

She watched him as he walked out of the room, she rolled her eyes back into her head a few tears to dry her coming tears before taking a deep breath and teleporting herself beside the bed where the twins laid.

Dick walked in a second later and stood on the opposite side of the bed. They both sat there silently, watching them sleep in their troubled states but sleeping soundly nonetheless. They watched as their chests went up and down in labored breaths, it reminded them so much of their infancy.

Zatanna couldn't sleep post pregnancy due to her hellish labor nightmares and would sneak into their nursery to watch them breathe and for the first two weeks or so Dick would come in about ten to fifteen minutes after her. He'd watch them with her, knowing she needed this, and then eventually would coax her into coming back to their room to sleep only to wake up alone the next morning and finding her asleep on the ground of the nursery.

Finally, when she gotten up one night to go watch them breathe he grabbed her hand (shocking her) and walked over with her. Then they'd sit together in the nursery and watch them breathe for hours until she'd fall asleep watching them in his arms. They woke up every morning for about a month on the floor of the nursery and Zatanna was so moved she cried almost every time.

While Zatanna continued watching the twins and caressing their faces, whispering words of love and endearment in their ears in both Italian and Romani, he watched her.

As angry and hurt as he was about all that had happened, he knew he could never, would never love anyone the way he loves this woman; his woman. The pinnacle of his world. They'd never been here before, this angry, this unwilling to budge and he couldn't understand his own anger let alone hers, though he knew she was more than justified. They just weren't the type to hold anger for this long, what was happening to them? Were they growing apart? Maybe they were just tired, it was always one thing after the other, even in retirement, it was exhausting.

The twins were reincarnates of Yin and Yang, forces he didn't even really believe in until of course, his kids became them…..or would become them. They were still trying to figure that out. Zatanna's pregnancy was terrifying, he'd never wanted anything so much in his life and he'd never been so scared of anything in his life. According to legend, most homo magi's died trying to give birth to twins, it was simply unheard of.

Even after they'd been born, Zatanna (who had nearly died in childbirth) took nearly a year to recuperate her powers and then had to do research about all things yin and yang while trying to manage the constant power manifestations. Dick on the other hand searched high and low with the bats, for any more Yin and Yang clues. Clues that would tell them whether or not their kids would live a full life of autonomy before having to bare the responsibility of their power. He'd been to temples around the world, caves, off world excursions and more. All of this while trying to give the twins the most normal lives possible.

"Sometimes I wonder if it'd been easier if they were, you know..." He trailed off.

Zatanna looked at him evenly, "Normal?" She finished for him, poorly concealing the disgust.

He looked at her, his blue eyes dull, "You make it sound like a bad thing to be human."

"They are human Dick." She said in a hard voice.

"Don't. Don't do that and make it sound like you didn't know what I meant. I meant without powers, ordinary and if that falls into the category of normal, then fine. I'm not a bad guy for wanting them to be happy and not have to worry about this shit all the time." He said struggling to keep his volume in check.

Dick brought his hand to his temple and took a deep breath through his nose. "If it's not one thing, it's something else. I'm just trying to be honest here Zatanna, isn't that what you want from me."

Zatanna looked away from him in silence, the anger boiling in her eyes. Her hands flexed into fists, fists so tight her nails started to dig into the palm of her hands.

"Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like?" He asked almost pleadingly.

Zatanna kept her eyes on the ground, they burned with angry tears that fell out of them.

She shook her head slowly, "Never." She said solemnly.

"Never because it's part of who they are, it's part of who I am and if you wanted normal kids so damn bad then maybe you should've knocked up a normal girl. One who might actually be able to stand being around you right now because I can't. I really can't." She said walking out of the room and dashing the falling tears from her eyes.

She made it all the way down the staircase before she sank to her knees and started to cry. She leaned against the wall and tried to muffle the sound of her sobs but couldn't muster the strength to do it, she had reached her limit.

She didn't know how to do it anymore, how to be so angry, so hurt, so scared and brave at the same time. Everything she'd come to love in her life was spiraling out of control, sucking all of the life right out of her...she laughed at herself blackly as she recalled her conversation with Constantine about poisonous things in life.

 _Maybe it's not men at all who are poisonous, s_ he thought aimlessly, _maybe it's just love. You love someone so much that eventually it's a poison for the both of you._

She still couldn't believe it, that he'd say that to her in front of their sickly unconscious homo magi children as if she has planned this entire fiasco when she accidentally got pregnant.

She could feel the fatigue settling over her now, her eyelids drooped, and she closed her eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

It was morning when she woke up, she could tell because ShadowCrest always felt more lively in the morning as if, if it were in control of itself it'd travel somewhere remarkable. She stretched and realized she was on a couch and her eyes were covered by cucumbers. She sat up on the couch and the blanket fell away from her.

She heard bustling in the kitchen and went to go see what it was, her head was throbbing. Dick stood over the stove, making soup and eggs. She stood behind him on her tiptoes and he smirked at her.

"Your tea is over there." He told her nodding in the direction of the table.

"Thanks," she said before grabbing two plates and taking it with her to the table.

He followed brought the eggs over in the pan and slid them onto the plates before sitting across from her.

She took a forkful of eggs and popped them into her mouth. "Alfred's...my favorite." She joked.

For the first time in days, Dick smiled. "I thought you'd like it, I also tried my hand at making homemade soup for the twins. Their fevers broke last night while you were asleep, I came to tell you but you were already down."

"Oh, guess I didn't realize how tired I was."

Dick looked at her in earnest and he knew she was lying to keep their fragile peace right now. "Yeah." He agreed lamely.

They ate the rest of their breakfast in silence and once Zatanna was done she went to bring her plate over to the sink.

She looked at the pot still on the stove. "Is the soup Alfred's too? Because if it is, I've heard it had magical properties and I'm curious to know what's in it."

He rushed out of his seat and over to the stove. "No, this is my own original chicken free, chicken noodle soup."

Zatanna looked at his defensive position over the soup and smirked. "Chicken free, chicken noodle soup?"

"Yes and I would like it to be the first thing our children eat this morning, since I spent the better half of the morning laboring over it." He said with forced confidence in his tone.

"Dick, as their mother I reserve the right to sample everything they're going to eat and that includes your chicken free chicken noodle soup." She tried saying with a straight face and failed.

"That's fine." He said grabbing a small bowl.

"Fine." she shrugged as a ladle appeared in her hand. He handed her the owl nervously.

"I used different things that I liked from different recipes." He rushed to explain. "And it's not actually chicken soup because there's no chicken in it."

"Yeah, I put that much together myself and I didn't even have to become a detective," she said taking a small ladle of soup and putting it in her bowl.

She wrinkled her nose at the smell, and Dick gave her a disparaging look. "You can't knock it until you try it Zee."

"I'm trying it," she said, she brought her lips to the bowl and took a long sip. Two things seem to happen at the same time, the bowl in her hands fell out of her hands like someone had electrocuted her and she started spitting up the soup in the sink at once.

She spun the faucet and cupped the water in hands before bringing it to her mouth and rinsing out the foul taste.

"Alright, diva. It's more protein based for the immune system, so the taste might be a little different." He said picking up the bowl on the ground.

"It's disgusting," she whined.

"It just needs a little more time to cook, so the flavors can blend and set." He protested.

"It just needs to be thrown out." She countered.

"The kids love my cooking." He argued.

"You are not giving that to my kids." She said decisively.

"Our kids Zee, I helped make them too." He said semi-seriously.

She wriggled her eyebrows at him humorously, "Oh I remember." She said suggestively, pressing herself against him.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, "Remind me?"

She stood on her tiptoes and hesitated before she kissed him softly, halfheartedly, and pulling away.

He looked at her, his deep blue eyes shielding none of the pain he'd felt.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I can't do this. I can't pretend everything's okay because it's not. We're not okay Dick."

"I don't want to fight with you Zee." He said softly.

"Me either," she said easily.

"Last night, I didn't mean-" he started.

"I know," she said bringing her head to his chest, "and _ **I**_ didn't mean-"

He kissed the top of her head, and pulled her into him. "I know."

"This isn't us." She whispered.

"I can't even believe this is happening to us." He admitted.

"What are we going to do?" She asked terrified of his answer.

"I don't know," he replied honestly. "You don't trust me and I get it, deserve it even but that doesn't change who we are and what we've become."

She took a breath, "I don't want things to be this way, I love you, I love what we have, but Dick...I'm so angry I don't even know where to start in order to forgive you and I don't know how to fix it, I'm sorry." She confessed.

Dick pulled her away at arm's length to look at her, "You have every right to be mad Zee, you don't have to apologize for that."

She shook her head and tears pricked her eyes, "I just don't want to lose you," she admitted as she hung her head. "I can't lose you, _**we**_ can't lose you but-"

"Zee,"

She shook her head again and continued with obvious effort, tears billowing down her face. "But if you want to be a hero again, if that's what you need to be okay then I'll try to support you because there's more than one way to lose someone and if I lose you out there, I'd be crushed. But if I lose you here," she said placing both hands on either sides of his face, "I...I can't." She cried. "Because I love you."

He grasped the top of her shoulders tightly and locked eyes with her.

"Zatanna, I don't need to be a hero again." He said firmly. "I don't need anything in this life but you, Wyette, and John and there is nothing in this world that'll change that. Please believe me. It was stupid what I did and I deserve your anger, I do but baby there's more hurt here than that. You know that, don't you?"

Dick looked at her strenuously and just as she opened his mouth to say something.

"Mommy, Daddy?" A small voice croaked from upset.

"John," Zatanna gasped before disappearing and leaving Dick empty handed.


	16. Chapter 16

She blanched as she entered the room and saw Constantine crouched beside John, who seemed both scared and yet concentrated.

"Mommy…" John said nervously.

She froze, she didn't know what to make of the situation. She looked at Constantine who gave her a penetrating glance and though every cell in her body wanted to stand as a barrier between the two she didn't budge.

"What are you doing?" she choked out when she could finally manage.

Constantine straightened up slowly, both hands in the air, as if she were armed.

Just then Dick walked in behind her and stopped mid stride. "What are you doing here?" he growled directly at Constantine with as much forced calm and control as he could manage.

John's concentration wavered, and a look of nausea, fear, and confusion flitted across his rounded face; trying to make sense of the situation.

The atmosphere was suddenly charged with energy, the tension labored even their breathing while they all watched the other with caution.

Constantine pivoted ever so slightly to face John who blanched under his sheets.

"John," Zatanna said in warning as her hands flew up and she took a battle-ready stance.

Simultaneously Dick reached behind his back and took out a small silver disc, no bigger than the size of his thumb print. He rand his thumb over the disc and it elongated into a solid silver escrima stick. "Constantine." He said through clenched teeth, both threat and warning implicit in his voice.

"Thirty seconds." Dick said in a calm and cautionary voice.

Wyette, still unconscious, whimpered in her sleep and curled into herself, holding her side as if in pain. John looked at his sister and then his parents, his fear becoming more evident as confusion and worry filled his features.

"Hey," Constantine growled at him, John almost jumped at the sound, but looked up at the man who stood at his bedside. "Relax, stay calm, and stay focused."

John swallowed hard and looked at his parents.

"It's not what you think," Constantine said, "Let me explain. I'm trying to help."

"Then explain." Dick said, clearly trying to buy time and get a better assessment of the situation.

Zatanna felt weak as she met eyes with Constantine and then John, they wore two different expressions. Constantine's face was tense but pleading while John's confusion and fear were only heightening at the stress of the situation. She could blink and be by his side in two seconds, but if Constantine were in the mood…two seconds wouldn't be fast enough…although Dick stood at a ready offense which would slow him down considerably.

"I'll need more than thirty seconds mate." Constantine said seriously.

Dick shook his head slowly, "You're standing next to my son John, I can't give you that much time. I've given you too much already."

She ran through the various situations that could take place right now, she could incapacitate Constantine at her whim before it could go any further and put a stop to this mess. Her only concern was John being so close, would Constantine go so low as to take advantage of him?

She flushed as her mind rebuked the thought, this was Constantine, he loved her and she loved him though it was no longer in the same way. He couldn't hurt her like that, he wouldn't, and she wouldn't think of him like that. The tension and weight in the air confused her though, it told her to be alarmed it fought against her better judgement. She blinked rapidly and forced herself to focus on the room.

She locked eyes with Constantine again, the man who she was so desperately in love with in her youth, the man who time and time again came to her rescue at the loss of his own...the man who just the other day had held her hands and begged her to go home, where she belonged. Their history was mangled, riddled with mistakes, and messy…..they weren't good together, poisonous even. It didn't negate the fact that he loved her, he had said as much the other day, with that thought she took a shaky breath and nodded. Dick was right, too much time was already given it was now or never.

"Help me, help you John." She urged him. "Why are you here?"

"I'm here to help, but I can't explain it right now." He said eyeing John subtly. "It'd be better to have that conversation in private."

Dick and Zatanna looked at one another and for the first time in what felt like too long, it felt as though they were finally speaking to one another. Despite the tense atmosphere her body began to relax as she realized that it hadn't been their inability to communicate, but their reluctance….her reluctance to communicate that was their problem.

He was waiting, waiting for her decision to make a move. He knew, he'd always known how much Constantine meant to her, how much they meant to each other at some point in their lives and that was why he hadn't attacked him on sight. They weren't in love, but she loved him and Dick could understand that. So even now, he wouldn't hurt her that way unless it was his last choice and if the tables were turned, if it were Barbara standing over John, she knew she wouldn't make a move to hurt Barbabra unless it was her last choice because she couldn't hurt Dick that way.

His gaze implored her to make a decision, the tension in the air was too heavy.

"Okay," she said finally. "It's okay."

Dick stroked his thumb over the escrima stick and it returned to its original form. He straightened himself out and tucked the disc into the back of his pants before sighing. He threw Constantine a look before running his hand through his dishelved hair, "I've heard you're a high stakes gambler but for the record, I wouldn't try a surprise visit again. Zatanna's not always home."

Constantine put his hand down and smirked reluctantly, "Next time, I'll ring." He promised.

"Mommy, Daddy?" John croaked from behind his sheets.

"It's okay babe, this is mommy's friend Johnny. He's here to help." Zatanna said walking towards the bed.

Constantine raised his palm to Zatanna in warning and she took a wobbly step forward.

"Just wait." Constantine told her. He bent down to look John in the eye, "It's not so bad right now, is it mate?"

John looked at the man with wide eyes and shook his head from side to side.

"You still don't feel good but it's easier to concentrate now. It's like air but it has some weight to it, you need to remember that you are in it, but you can't let it weigh you down. Feeling it, isn't the same thing as carrying it. Understanding doesn't mean doing it. Breathe. Concentrate on your air but feel the air around you."

She watched as John's small face fought to keep a wave of nausea at bay. He took deep breaths and furrowed his brows as a small sheen of sweat dawned his forehead. His eyes popped open and met Zatanna's, she saw his concentration and will waver before his lip started trembling and he started gasping for air.

Zatanna dropped to her knees to be beside him near the bed and Dick went to stand beside her.

"I can't do it." He whimpered. "I can't, I don't feel good. The air doesn't feel good."

"It's okay baby, you don't have to do anything, you just need to rest." Zatanna promised, stroking his face gently.

John visibly calmed down as Zatanna continued to comfort him while John and Dick left the room.

"I'm sorry mommy." John said after a while.

Zatanna looked at him bewilderedly, "For what, baby?" she asked.

"For making you and daddy sad." He said after a moment.

"What makes you say that?" she asked as her heart lurched.

He didn't answer but instead screwed his eyes up tight.

She took his face in both of her hands and waited until he looked up at her. "Baby, you and Wyette, are the best thing that has ever happened to me or daddy. You two are the greatest gift and the best part of every day. You could never make us sad, you make us happy and strong, and you make us whole. Don't you ever doubt that, do you understand?" she said softly.

She could see the indecision in his eyes and she frowned. "Hey," she said pulling him from his warring thoughts. "I mean it. There's nothing in this world, I love more than you guys. You make me happy every single day and that's not even the half of it. I promise." She said sticking out her pinky finger. "Okay?"

John looked at her and smiled timidly before nodding softly and interlocking his pinky with hers.

"Okay." He whispered.

She smiled and kissed both of his cheeks and his forehead.

"Are you hungry?" she asked eagerly.

John shook his head. "No."

"Okay," Zatanna said, "Get some rest and when you're hungry, just call me or daddy and we'll come running. Okay?"

"Okay." He said settling into the pillows behind him more snuggly.

"Sleep baby," she whispered. "peels."


	17. Chapter 17

Zatanna walked into the kitchen where Dick and Constantine sat across the counter from one another. Dick held his face in his hands and looked up at Constantine who returned his look gravely.

"I'm sorry mate but that's the truth." Constantine told him wholeheartedly.

"So this whole time….," Dick breathed unable to finish his sentence.

A look of sadness and compassion washed over Constantine's face as he watched Dick's face crumble into an expression unseen by Zatanna.

"You couldn't have known mate, it's nobody's fault." Constantine said.

Dick looked at him skeptically, "That's nice of you to say but this time…"

Constantine nodded in understanding, "Life's complex, you're allowed to feel whatever way you want to but in this case," Constantine huffed impatiently. Compassion wasn't exactly his forte, Zatanna was surprised to hear him sound this way towards Dick (of all people) at all. "Look, I can't pretend to know the ins and out of what goes on between you and Zee. I don't know how you two go about your parenting and I don't know your kids, but I do know magic and I know when it's being manipulated by environment. This is one of those times."

"This is going to crush her." Dick breathed.

"Well it certainly won't flatter her ego but she'll survive it." Constantine said crudely. "Just...maybe without you. Whatever works, really."

"You've really got a knack for pep talks, don't you?" Dick sneered.

"I could've been a life coach." John joked dryly. "But life's got a real taste for irony that I can't seem to get."

Dick shook his head and chuckled darkly. "And here I thought _**you**_ were a threat to my family; that's ironic."

Constantine smirked just as he noticed Zatanna in the kitchen. "Yeah, I would have liked to think so too…but something tells me that's never really been the case. Kinda sucks, to be honest, I think we could've been alright together…but you two...you two are more than alright. You're good together."

Subtle confusion flitted across Dick's face.

"Thanks." Zatanna said, her voice dry and lightly sarcastic. "You're just the sweetest."

Dick turned in his seat to look at her and then turned to frown and roll his eyes at Constantine.

"Just when I start to think you have a decent bone in your body, you start hitting on my wife." Dick grumbled.

Constantine flushed and shrugged his shoulders. "Fiancé," Constantine corrected him, "And I can't help it mate. She's -"

" **My** fiancé, **my** partner, and the mother of **my** sick kids." Dick reminded him in a hard voice.

Constantine pursed his lips and nodded as he pretended to think something over. "Used goods, but I'll take her."

"Get out." Dick and Zatanna said together.

"I haven't even told her about-" Constantine whined.

"I'll tell her." Dick said impatiently cutting him off.

"I don't know mate," he debated, "I think it might be better if it comes from me. She might need a shoulder to cry on and since you two are having a rough go at things, maybe it would be better if-"

Dick grabbed Constantine by the collar, "I thought I told you to leave."

"Okay, okay." Constantine said with his hands up. Dick let go of his collar and watched as Constantine walked around the counter and opened up the cabinet full of liquor.

They watched him incredulously, wearing identical masks of irritation on their faces.

"I'm just grabbing a bloody drink, I'll get out of your hair in just a second. I came here straight from the underworld for fuck's sake. It was hot as hell down there, excuse my pun but I'm fucking parched here." He shouted as he grabbed a bottle and started looking for a glass.

He rummaged through several drawers and Dick pinched the bridge of his nose and Zatanna was sure he was counting to ten…..or one million.

"Just take the bottle John." Zatanna snapped impatiently.

"Alright!" he shouted. "I'll drink it straight from the bloody bottle like an animal then but don't come snapping at me when I finish it off."

"Go!" Dick and Zatanna shouted.

"Fine!" Constantine said marching off into the house and grumbling under his breath. "Damn acrobat keep mangling me collars..."

Zatanna brought her fingers to her temples and shook her head. She looked up and flushed as Dick just looked at her with an unfathomable expression.

"I'm sorry about him." Zatanna said in a small voice. "I think he has no where else to go."

"Big shock." Dick said sarcastically.

Zatanna frowned, she knew Dick was in no way, shape, or form a fan of John Constantine and now couldn't be a worse time for him to start interfering in their lives but she couldn't help feeling the need to defend him. He was trying to help and in spite of everything, the booze and the smokes, he seemed as though he was doing better. The last time she'd seen him, before any of this, it was a whole different story he was cracked out and spent, dealing with the worst of the worst kinds of magic and demons. Of course, he usually brought his problems on himself but he'd come far and this time although it might seem a bit unconventional he was trying to help them.

She bit her lip as she thought better of it. The last thing she wanted to fight about was Constantine, they had bigger issues...their kids...their relationship. Defending her ex was probably not the best idea and she knew it, but the second her teeth left her lower lip she was speaking.

Her words tumbled out quickly and as they left her mouth, she knew she would regret them later. "You could be a little more understanding." she snapped. "I don't know what he told John or what he was trying to do but-"

"I know." Dick agreed cutting her off.

"You know what?" Zatanna retorted.

"He's an asshole with issues that make Bruce Wayne seem normal, but he's been trying to help this whole time." Dick said. "Which makes me the only asshole in the room right now."

His answer pulled her up short and he smirked as she was left momentarily speechless. "Now we can keep talking about John Constantine or I can tell you what he found out."

Zatanna looked at him skeptically.

"I won't bite." He said softly.

The look on his face made her want to kick herself, she walked over and sat on the stool beside him.

They were silent for a moment, each of them thinking of what to say next and hating the amount of effort it took.

"Well that's unfortunate," Zatanna mused as a chagrined blush touched her cheeks, "I like it when you bite."

Dick laughed and she relaxed.

"I'm sorry," she said holding his gaze. "I'm not trying to pick a fight, I could care less about your opinion of Constantine."

Dick sighed. "Good but it's your opinion I'm most concerned about, your taste in men sucks." He joked weakly.

She smiled and sat in the chair beside him. "Hey, I left him, didn't I?"

"Too bad he won't leave us though." Dick noted, he looked over at Zatanna and found himself a bit taken aback as he realized the idea didn't vex her as much as it vexed him.

She leaned her head into her hand and sighed dramatically before shrugging her small shoulders. "What can I say? I'm hard to get over."

Dick didn't laugh but gave her a small smile before taking her hand in his and interlacing their fingers.

"He's still in love with you." he muttered watching her all the while to gauge her reaction.

"I hope he's not the only one." she whispered.

Zatanna watched as he took a steady breath and looked her in the eyes; heartbreak swam in his eyes as he sat back and watched her in return. He shook his head slowly as if in denial and brought his other hand to meet his over hers. It felt as though he were supporting himself with her hand alone and Zatanna could feel a cold chill run down her body.

"What's wrong-" she started just as he cut her off.

"We know what's wrong with Wye and John." He said suddenly.

Her whole body stood at attention. She waited for him to continue and when she didn't, she prompted him.

"Okay…? What is it?" she pressed.

His grip tightened on her hand. "It's us." He told her solemnly. "We're what's wrong with them. Our relationship….it's...it's poisoning them."

Zatanna looked at him dumbstruck.

"I….I don't understand." She replied after a long moment.

"It's another power manifestation, they're empaths, Zee. They can feel what we can except they don't know how to manage the ability yet, so instead of just knowing what how we feel, they're feeling it emotionally and physically. They don't know how to distinguish the emotions around them from their own, and so they feel it, but being so young and feeling all of this pain, distrust, and hurt…..its taking a toll on them magically, emotionally, and phsyically."

Zatanna didn't reply but instead just looked at him as though she were stuck in some trance.

She could feel the tears streaking down her face as she finally understood the words leaving his lips.

Dick brought of his hands to her face and brushed a tear away. He shook his head as he tried to keep his own tears at bay.

"It's us, baby." He whispered. "It's us."


	18. Chapter 18

"Zee?" he said after a long moment had passed between them.

"Zatanna," he said, squeezing her hand, in an attempt to get her attention, "Zee...I….I am so sorry." he choked, his voice breaking.

The sound brought her back into the present moment and she blinked rapidly as her blurred vision came into focus again.

"I never meant for this, if I had even the slightest clue that it could have led to this….baby I'm so sorry." he choked.

"Please," he begged, "Please say something."

Chills ran up and down her body as she struggled to fight the memories and emotions that threatened to drag her away from the present moment. She shook her head and closed her eyes tightly with strenuous effort, she slipped her hand out of Dick's and wrapped her arms around her body.

"It's bad right now, I know, but we can fix it." Dick promised. "Zatanna, please…..please."

She shook her head and tightened her hold on her body before subtly rocking in her seat. She tried desperately to come to terms with what she was hearing but she was finally at her breaking point.

Dick's heart broke as he watched her trying to keep herself from completely fall apart; a sight he'd seen only once in the delivery room. The sight haunted him for years and now he'd never be able to escape it, knowing he'd brought her a second time.

It felt as though time stood still as he waited for her to say something, to do anything other than hold herself together. He watched his world crumble before him and thought of everything he'd done to contribute to it.

She sat at the edge of the stool, hunched in on herself and he yearned to hold her in his arms. He hated seeing her like this, hated being so close and still feeling so far from her, he didn't know what more he could say but he knew if her could just hold her, she'd be able to hear him.

He wondered briefly if they were still fighting and prayed that they weren't because he had nothing left in him to give to an argument.

Would he have to argue to keep her? Was that really what it had come down to…..the thoughts ran rampant in his head as he continued to watch her.

 _ **No**_. He decided. It wouldn't be much of an argument….because he'd beg. He'd beg her to stay if that's what it took. He knew then for certain, that there was no question as to whether he was still as in love with her or still as infatuated with her as he had been the first day he saw her.

Waking up to her every morning for nearly a decade had been the best part of his day, every single day for that decade. Seeing her eyes light up with curiosity and mischief made him feel like a boy again and loving her…...loving her made him a stronger...a better man.

She still took his breath away with a just a look or a smile.

His despair deepened as he realized that he hadn't earned her smiles or been the reason her eyes lit up in what he knew was too long. She beamed at Wyette and John, she lived for them….and somewhere along the line he'd become a passenger in their relationship, a reader of the love story he should have been writing with her.

She had to know though, he was sure, she had to know that he loved her. The only thing that plagued him now was wondering whether that was enough anymore. He had to know, because if she would still have him, if she could still love him the way he loved her after all this time than there was hope.

There was a way back to normal. His mind raced with the possibility of hope after all they'd just started talking before John woke up… _ **maybe they could**_

After what seemed like too long he reached out to steady her by grabbing her elbow; he just wanted to hold her, to touch her…..she recoiled away from him unexpectedly and lost her balance.

Her eyes popped open as the stool started to fall and before she could hit the ground with it, Dick grabbed her and pulled her to him. His arms were like fenders around her, crushing her to his body, enveloping her in his physical mass.

She could still feel herself trembling against him and although it seemed impossible, he hugged her closer to him. She could feel the heat radiating off of his body and the flex and pull of his muscles against her; the thumping of his steady heartbeat and the push and pull of the air entering and leaving his body and massaging her scalp. Her trembling came to a stop as her her body yearned to hear his physical orchestra in concert, as if it played a tune her own body was so desperate to hear.

She stood still, in shock, within his arms. He tucked his head beside hers so they were cheek to cheek. His breath blew against her ear and the wisps of hair beside it.

"Please." he breathed. "I need you Zee, I love you. I can't do this without you, I don't want to. Baby please."

As if the words leaving his lips were a key to her prison; after being strong for so long, after holding herself for what seemed like ages, the dam broke. Her body sagged as if she'd been carry the weight of the world on her shoulders, her arms wound around him and her hands gripped his shoulders tightly as she gasped in a ragged breath and started sobbing.

She cried without reproach and Dick just held her tightly as she smothered her tears and cries into his chest.

"I'm so sorry baby," he said repeatedly as he stroked her hair. "I'm so sorry."

Eventually she pulled back and looked at him, her face smeared with tears and his heartbeat fell out of rhythm as he took how beautiful she was even at her worst and then it began to sprint in fear as he waited for her to speak.

"It's not you." she huffed through her tears, avoiding his eyes, as if she were confessing to a sin.

"Huh?" he replied.

Her eyes welled up with tear once more and her lips pulled down as she fought back another cry.

"It's not you Dick, it's me." she squeaked. "I'm the reason we're so broken. It's me."

He frowned and pulled back to look her square in the eye. "No Zee, it's not. I...I messed up and I can own up to that, I-"

"Dick." she said grabbing his face softly and forcing him to be quiet. "It's me. Okay? It's me." she said her eyes imploring him, begging him to believe her.

"I don't understand." he said.

"I know," she said. "Come."

She took his hand and together they were suddenly pulled into the air and transported to their bedroom. She squeezed his hand, as if to reassure herself that he was physically there with her and then let go as she made her way towards their walk in closet. He listened intently as she rummaged through a few things and stepped down from her step ladder. She started walking out of the closet and then stopped at the door, as if she could go no further, she sank to her bottom and sat with her legs crossed before her and with trembling hands she placed the small box in front of her.

Before he fully realized he was doing it, he was walking over to where she sat and sat across from her. The box was small and white, there was no design to it or anything particular about it except that it was shiny and harder...firmer than most boxes. She took a deep breath and opened the box, white paper surrounded a small stick….a pregnancy test.

A positive pregnancy test.

His eyes widened in shock, he stared at the stick as if he were afraid it would disappear if he blinked. He watched as she wrapped her hand around it, picked it up, and brought it closer to him.

He took the stick in his hands and continued to stare at it before ripping in an unsteady breath; he hadn't realized he'd stopped breathing.

"You're pregnant?" He asked in a half-strangled voice.

"No," she whispered, "I'm not."

"But its-"

"I know," she breathed shakily, "it was from a few months ago."

"But you're not…"

"I know." She looked at him and saw nothing, her tears too thick in her eyes.

"Zee…"

She gasped and started sobbing, "I don't know what happened." She cried.

The plus sign on the pregnancy test started to tremble, he couldn't figure out why though. It wasn't until a full minute passed that he realized it was his hands trembling. He looked over at Zatanna, who was a visible wreck, and for the first time in what felt like too long he could see her again. See the girl he'd been in love with from the moment he'd met her.

This is why she'd been so distant, so angry, and so betrayed. This is why his being a vigilante in his spare time cut her deeper than he would've thought and this was why she couldn't find it in her to forgive him. They'd miscarried and he didn't even know, he didn't notice how she struggled to get out of bed in the mornings, or how she forced herself to be present for him and the twins. He didn't notice how she had retreated into herself and new hobbies as a distraction from the loneliness she suffered and the overbearing weight of her secret.

He couldn't even imagine the amount of strength she'd had to muster every day for months to put on such a brave face, to put on such a good show. He looked at her and saw the crack in her armor, the hole in her farce. There was no doubt in his mind that she was still in pain, in every sense of the word, but she sat there facing him, trying to let him in again; trying to heal herself by trying to heal them.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked.

Tears streaked down her face while her eyes looked to be in a trance like state focused on nothing and everything at once, almost vacant of life.

He brought his hand to her shoulder, and she recoiled violently from his touch, "Why didn't you tell me Zee?"

She looked at him pitifully and shrugged, "You weren't here." She said her voice cracking. "And when you were here, it was still like you were't. You were always so busy or so tired, I didn't want to bother you with something else or give you another reason not to be here. I didn't want to lose you too."

He felt sick, it felt like the room was spinning and the only thing he had to ground himself was the sight of her.

"I'm sorry," she said after taking in a deep breath.

His eyes snapped up to meet hers, what could she possibly have to be sorry for?

"I am so sorry. Sorry about everything, I should've been honest with you. I was just so happy at first I wanted to surprise you and then…..and then."

She paused and took a deep breath that took palpable effort; scouldn't bring herself to say it, she almost gagged on the words.

She shook her head in disgust and continued...She knew he'd understand.

"I was so angry and sad and confused, I didn't know how to tell you I didn't know how to….how to deal with it. So I didn't say anything and I thought maybe I'd just forget about it, maybe things would get better that way, but everyday was longer and harder than the day before. Every day for the past six months, I've been walking around in a shell casing of who I used to be. It's like being lost in my own life. The only time I feel like anything is worthwhile is when I'm with the twins and I can feel and hold them, make sure they're still here or…..or when you hold me at night. You hold me so tight that I feel like I can't be lost because I'm with you, I'm with you in the only place that's felt like home since I was a teenager; your arms."

He felt lightheaded, he couldn't decide if this were a dream or a nightmare.

"But you started getting home later and later, and holding me less and less, and eventually the darkness, the gnawing feeling of emptiness took your place in the bed and would hold me until you came back."

He grabbed her face between his hands quickly but tenderly and sealed his lips over hers. He pulled away just as quickly to face her, "Don't be." He said sternly. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I…Zee…I'm sorry I let you do this alone. If I'd known, I would've….I should have been here regardless but you never should have worried…you never have to worry about losing me anywhere, especially here."

"Some days it feels like I already have and I'm terrified because...because I've never stopped loving you Dick, I don't know how." She admitted. "And I know you love us, I do, but I've never felt so alone in my life."

He brushed away at the tears that flowed from her eyes ceaselessly, "I should have been there, I'm sorry Zee, I'm so sorry."

He pulled her into his arms and held her while she cried into his chest. It wasn't until the salty water hit his lips, did he realize he was crying too.


	19. Chapter 19

He watched as she made her way across the room and into their closet. Her hair, though twisted and draped on one shoulder in an effort to wring out the water from her shower, still painted the floor with little specs of water.

He paid no mind to that though, his eyes only following her naked body and focusing on her rounded and swollen abdomen. She was four months going on five now and she looked perfect. He marveled at how different everything seemed this time around with this second pregnancy.

The first with the twins had been so suspenseful and so full of worry. Every day closer to her due date was another day closer to her possible death or some other chilling alternative but with this pregnancy, there was nothing in him but hope. Hope, contentedness, and utter bliss.

There was nothing to look forward to except a bouncing newborn that would bring nothing but joy into their already great lives.

He smiled to himself, in this game of life he'd drawn his lot pretty well and completely by chance. He couldn't imagine someone having a better life, a better job, a better family or a better partner.

…

They were back, back to where they had started, kids just madly in love and not giving a damn what the world thought about it. It hadn't been easy though, not by a long shot, it took counseling, grief counseling, marriage counseling, and strenuous effort. After Zatanna had confessed to having hidden a miscarriage and her subsequent depression, Dick to having started up super hero work again, and both of them realizing that somewhere along the line their relationship had taken a toll because of these things they sought the best counseling available.

It took well over a year to get back on track, to accept what had happened and its consequences. It took months after that for both of them to come to terms with who they were and who they are now as individuals and as partners in a relationship.

Soon after Zatanna started touring again and as if she were never gone in the first place, her shows sold out worldwide. Dick and the twins went to at least one show a month in a different country and on some occasions got to participate in the show; making it an all-inclusive family affair. Miraculously, they hadn't spent one night apart since being at Shadowcrest in spite of her shows (magic, duh) and Dick's long hours.

Dick who had been promoted to detective was able to split time between the office and home, as he had more leniency in the management of his work hours. He took his unfinished work home and into his new office space, to spend whatever spare moment he could with his family; and in spite of all things both Dick and Zatanna re-enter the superhero community. After all, it was not only part of who they were but was the birthplace for their union and family (immediate and unrelated like the former team and the JLA).

No, they weren't superhero's full time or even part time, they were officially on reserve; meaning that if and only if their particular skillsets were needed then they would be called upon. The decision had been a source of tension for them at first, after all they'd given up the life for their life as a family and neither of them regretted the choice whatsoever. However, considering that the twins would probably follow in their footsteps or would already have natural enemies of their own due to their inheritance (the magical powers of yin and yang) Dick thought it would be reckless to not at least keep an open eye out for any suspicious activity. This was something Zatanna could agree on and so they agreed to be one reserve.

Wyette and John, though consciously oblivious to the damage their parents' relationship had taken had been made unconsciously aware by their ever-growing list of powers, powers that needed training and honing. Given Zatanna's now fuller schedule, the twins magical tutelage was left under the supervised care of John Constantine, Zachary Zatara, and of course Zatanna.

John schooled the twins in magic one to two times a week and Zatanna the rest; but given that they would train with Dick or one of the bats for half the week on martial arts or gymnastics, Zatanna really only needed to teach once or at most twice a week.

Zach would teach them a trick or two whenever he popped by for a visit; and when Zatanna couldn't be there to supervise the teachings of either John or Zach (because Dick argued both men were children as it was; given their lifestyles and Zatanna had to agree) Alfred supervised, which was just as pleasing since he put the fear of God in both men (never doubt Alfred's ability to wow).

As far as the twins knew, everything had gone back to normal….well better than normal. They were once again the rightful stars of attention in their doting parents' eyes and got to spend more time with the both of them including their other family members. A few months ago when Zatanna found out she was pregnant and had made it past the first trimester, Dick and Zatanna had sat them down to explain they'd be getting another sibling soon. Though they weren't necessarily certain of all that it entailed, they were thrilled and they certainly weren't the only ones.

…

His eyes raked over her body appreciatively again and again they rested on her stomach. He could feel the warmth of his happiness spread though his body as if he were inhaling it. His lips pulled up into a subtle smirk.

"Stop it." she said seriously although she wasn't looking at him.

His jaw dropped opened in shock. "Stop what?"

"Stop looking at me like that." She said finally turning around to face him with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Stop looking at you like what?" he asked with a grin on his face.

"You know I can't explain it."

"Well then maybe the look doesn't exist." He suggested.

Zatanna smiled, "Oh, it exists." She persisted.

"Then what does it look like?" Dick challenged.

She made a ridiculous face and poked her tongue out. Dick laughed in response.

"Okay." he said getting up from the bed and walking over to her. "Now I know for a fact it doesn't exist, there's no way I make that face."

"You're right, I think your tongue was out more." She said walking into his open arms. "Drooling."

His arms encircled her waist and he sighed contentedly as her swollen abdomen met his body.

She looked up at him through her dark lashes, her eyes shining with mirth and mischief, his favorite look. It was as if her hormones were being expunged through her pores and driving him to insatiable madness, he couldn't stay away from her; didn't want to. He couldn't get close enough to her, couldn't hold her long enough, kiss her hard enough, and it made him all the more desperate for her.

It was liking falling in love with her all over again, except harder and faster and without any restraint.

"What?" she asked when he didn't respond to her teasing.

He shook his head.

"I don't know how I got so lucky." He breathed. "You're absolutely perfect."

She flushed at his unexpected compliment.

"I love you." He said in the same breath as if it were some new discovery.

She brought her hand to the side of his face and stroked his strong cheekbone while watching him lean into her hand.

"I know," she smiled. "I love that you love me."

He barked a short laugh, "Humility really becomes you."

"I know," she beamed, "It's one of the things you should love about me."

He smiled and moved one of his hands to gently feel her stomach.

"I'm starting to think you only like me because I'm pregnant." she teased.

He smiled at her and shrugged. "That and because you've mothered two of my other kids."

"Yes, the two of your kids who accidentally lit Constantine's hair on fire this afternoon." She reminded him.

Dick smiled broadly. "I love them more and more each day."

"That's because you don't like Constantine." Zatanna laughed.

"I don't dislike him, I just don't like that he likes you and that he isn't exactly the greatest moral influence over our very impressionable kids. However , if the universe deems it fit that his punishment for hitting on you is getting blown up by our kids then I will gladly suffer through another one of his comeons to you." Dick replied.

"Yeah, right." Zatanna countered.

"Thanks for that by the way." He told her earnestly and she couldn't help but smile and roll her eyes. "You know, for having my kids and making me a dad. Oh and for carrying my latest and greatest." He teased.

He'd thanked her every day since they realized they were pregnant and although she'd told him a number of times that he didn't need to thank her, he never stopped.

He smiled blindingly at her response.

"Kiss me." She whispered.

"Where?" he asked in a low suggestive voice.

Her breathing hitched as she understood his meaning. He gave her no time to come up with a witty response as he started trailing kissing from her temple to her collar bone and swollen breasts.

She hummed contentedly.

"What was that?" he asked between kisses, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Everywhere." Zatanna sighed contentedly.


	20. Chapter 20

Klarion the witch boy watched from his dark orb as Zatanna and the former Boy Wonder embraced one another before dissolving the view.

He turned to his counterparts in the darkness.

"Everything is in position." He laughed crudely.

"The false pregnancy worked?" Deathstroke asked in surprise.

"Of course it worked." Klarion snapped. "All I had to do was magically falsify the first pregnancy, once the magic wore off, Zatanna would think she miscarried. Eventually, it would either lead to discord and separation or would lead to another real pregnancy; one they'd welcome all too well."

"And you're sure that she's just as weakened in this pregnancy as she was in her first?" Deathstroke asked.

"Of course," Circe, the siren, cooed. "Homo magis are nearly powerless during pregnancy. One magic over use could mean death for her and the baby. She is as good as human. The powers of Yin and Yang will soon be ours."

"Not if the bats and the Justice League has any say." Klarion snapped. "What is your spy doing?" he asked Deathstroke.

"Oh," Deathstroke said in an amused tone. "You aren't the only person here with magical connections, my informant is well embedded in their lives and is not only watching but will tell us when to strike. When the Bats and the rest of the League have turned their attention for a moment, we will procure the power the Light."

Klarion scoffed, "Well he'd better not come undone before then."

Circe smiled, "Daniel Ramirez is under the darkest of spells, a siren's call. He will do as we have bid him, you needn't worry."

"The control of the multiverse will soon be ours." Deathstroke concluded. "This means war."

 ***** THANKS FOR READING THIS STORY! THE SUPPORT HAS BEEN GREAT! PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS STORY FEEDS INTO LEGACY (gives you a taste of what life was like for Wyette and John before going back in time to get help from their parents who are at the time not together and not friends) AND WILL BE FED BY THE STORY PARTNERS (another story which feeds into Legacy) SO STAY TUNED*******


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